Nightwatch

Sitting by mum's bedside. Almost midnight. She's been restless and agitated for over four hours. Even the evening nurse said she's never seen mum like this.

Mum has calmed down a little, but still not calm enough to fall asleep. She'd close her eyes only temporarily, and then open them again as if something is disturbing her sleep and keeping her awake purposely. I ask her what, but she doesn't respond and just looks at me and turns away...

In the background is soft meditation music mixed with the occasional mediation chant (Metta sutra... It's soothing and one of mum's favourite) . On the tv screen hanging on the wall in front of her bed, I've got slideshow of pictures displaying. Pictures of landscapes, train rides we've been on, of people and places in our memories and on our minds.

"Relax, relax..." I whisper to her, "Look at the pictures, the beautiful pictures and try to sleep..." I stroke her arm, rub her legs, gently stroke her forehead (...maybe I should sing to her instead?) But nothing seems to calm her down or put her to sleep.

The nurse just came in to give her a sedative, in addition to the extra dose of morphine that was administered around an hour ago.

Mum is still restless, still fighting something that's bothering her, either her body or mind...

but I don't know what.