25 April 2015

Sudden flashback

Studying just now, and I had a sudden flashback of a day way back when I was probably around 8 or so... We had just moved to the Netherlands, dad worked at the WTC and commuted daily to work.
One day, mum and I went to look for dad at his office. I was so excited by the large glass building he worked in, so proud of my dad and his own office (even though later I found out he had very little to do and people shunned him, for (office) political reasons...).

That afternoon, they decided to buy a bike, our first bike in the Netherlands, and mum said she would ride it home. I was concerned, as it seemed very far to ride all the way home. At the time we lived in Uithoorn.

Curious, I looked on google maps, and it occurred o me only now that the distance was around 17 km. Doable, according to my standards, especially after so many years of biking, and so many long-distance trips... I looked around the map at the area we used to live in... at the street, Rosmarijn, we used to live on... So many memories of driving down the Amstel (river), of going to a nearby Chinese restaurant called Jade... of driving to local farms and buying dairy products and watching cows being milked... I was young then, so naive and so innocent. Life was beautiful back then. My family was together (though tensions were to build over the years...at least this I got to know with age...)

Looking back, did I ever think I would be more or less alone in the world some twenty years later...?




24 April 2015

long lost mother

Underneath all this normalcy,
All the smiles and seemingly hard exterior
Are the memories, longings and deep sense of loss
That still lingers and flows,
That occasionally surfaces through dreams like I just had,
That occasionally rears through images of sobbing, of a boy lying in bed and reaching out his hands to touch the imaginary face of his long lost mother.