Dream

Yesterday afternoon, I felt my body start to ache and my head start to spin. Being around people who cough and cough make the chances of getting ill high, and I was sure that I was falling prey to illness.

Leaving work, I went to the supermarket and bought a lot of fresh orange juice
and lemons. Earlier in the day, I had bough tonnes of vegetables at the market, and I promised myself I'll treat myself to a big treat of vitamins. So I cooked a big pot of freshly ground tomato soup with ginger and garlic, and drank large doses of echinasea, the wonder cure against colds and flus, and I wrapped myself under the blanket and stayed in bed all night, watching the three hour long epic 'The Last Samurai', and then putting myself down to bed.

I woke up by the sound of my alarm radio, but I slept as I listened to the latest news and talk shows. In this half-state of sleep is when I'm most vulnerable to dreaming, and dream I did...

A dream full of passion and eroticism... involving someone I've had a crush on for sometime, and someone who I think has mutual feelings, but the feelings never got any chance to develop further. Let's randomly call this person R. In the dream R. and I do many sweet things together, like go on long walks, have heart-to-heart talks, look into each other in the eyes and feel the warmth grow and envelop us, and feel the connections grow closer. Our hands much touch once or twice, but never do we kiss or do anything more intimate.

Dreams are random, and the next scene we are in bed, lying next to one another... watching each other as we slowly fall asleep... Strange thing is, there is another person beside me,
so basically I'm sleeping in the middle of this bed, with R. on the one side, and this other person on the other. Then I realise who this other person is... it's this boy I had deep affection for while in high school. In real life, he never showed interest in me, because he's not (?) gay, and used to be really religious. Let's call him L.

But in dreams anything could happen, and things did happen. Even though I was more interested in R., and was facing him, L. kept on enticing me and speaking soft little words into my ears... L. started to touch me intimately, and the eroticism was overpowering, as the feelings I had for him before began to rise from deep within me. R. just lay there and watched, and did nothing, as L and I slowly and passionately pleasured one another...

The next moment, L. suddenly disppeared, and it was just me and R. in bed. R. stareted to cry, but I didn't know why. He started to cry and say I hurt him, say that I hurt him like no one has ever done, but I still didn't understand why...

"Because I love you... you never knew I love you... It was all a test, I wanted to see how much you'd wait for me, I wanted to see how long you would stay with me, if I pretended to show no interest... But look what you did..." He was crying like a boy who lost the most precious thing in his life, and was not consolable.

Indeed I never knew, never knew how much he cared or loved me... but how long do you have to wait, how much patience do you have, what do you have to go through to have to find out?

The letter L

Like any other boy who believes he deserves a little treat in life, I put a piece of cucumber and a few red and white seedless grapes into my dirty little trainer. I laid it to rest for the night, where it would sleep next to the fireplace in the office building along with many other shoes.

But unlike other shoes, mine had a little note on it for Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet.

"I have been very well-behaved this year! Heartfelt thanks! " I signed with a big "D", the first letter of my name, and put a smiley next to that.


I left the office, on a night of rain and wind.

The next morning, what ho, behold! My shoe was filled with a little package, with beautiful, colourful wrapping paper. And there was a scroll too, with a sweet poem. The kind-hearted and wise Saint Nicolas and his black slaves servants were here last night.

Carefully and excitedly, I tore open the wrapping, to see the expected chocolate letter. But when I saw what letter it was, it was as if someone took a pin and pricked through my excitement.

It wasn't letter I was expecting, and I even asked myself where in my name the letter "L" appears. I wrote my name in my mind, in full: David Kuan-Wei Chen... last time I checked, there was no L. I smiled at the irony, smiled at the fact that perhaps it was a joke. Or perhaps Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet were so busy they mixed up my letter with another. But still, I wondered what I should do with a letter "L".

Not that I'm not grateful for receiving a little surprise at work, even if simply as a simple token of appreciation.

But such carelessness shows just how much they... care.

Alles is liefde

Sinterklaasavond is the eve before Sinterklaas returns back to Spain. On this night, the Holy St. Nicolaas pays every household a visit, and leaves a gift for those good people who deserve the best things in life.

Even my office closed early today, and by 4 pm the streets were packed with cars as people rush home on this Dutch version of Christmas Eve. The tradition is that you put your shoe next to the fireplace, and by the morning, surprise, surprise you will get goodies. By 4pm, everyone had already left the office, but I stayed behinda bit longer...



I had bought some sweets and chocolates letters, and tip-toed around the office and putting it on the desk of my colleagues. It's something I do every single year to friends. I secretly give them a chocolate... sometimes simply by putting it through their mailbox, or placing it in a place they'd find it, or by sending it to people who live in another country anonymously. I don't really want anything in return, and I don't expect anything either... To me it's just good fun, and I like to think of the pleasant sweet surprise people get when they receive an anonymous gift. Spreading the love, if you will...

Yet, stil, on this evening when family gather around a warm fireplace, when dreams and wishes are made and fulfilled, when loved ones thank one another for all the happiness and warmth they give one another, it is lonely being alone.

After I delivered a gift to a special friend who has helped me a lot in the past year, I wasn't sure what to do next. It was around seven, and the streets were deserted, and cold. And it rained too, making it seem even more dreary. I went into a restaurant and had a cheap meal of Indonesian food, and then wandered the streets a bit more...



Then I saw something as I walked past the cinema. A poster for the movie "Alles is liefde" (Everything is love). I've heard about it for sometime, and knew that it was a Dutch movie based more or less on the original "Love Actually", which is a romantic comedy based around Christmas, when miraculous the most miraculous consequences occur, and strangers find one another and find love. The big difference with the Dutch version of this movie is that it has a gay couple, who kiss a number of times and even get married. Thanks to Dutch open-mindedness...

To be honest, at first, I was a bit uncomfortable going to the cinema alone, especially watching a movie that is about love and falling in love. All around me in that cinema hall, where around a hundred people, couples, families, young and old, and it seemed like I was the only one there all alone. But when the movie started, I blended into the dark and didn't mind too much any more.

The story-line is simple. Set in Amsterdam, around the time of Sinterklaas, and random people meeting by chance find one another, while others rekindle their love and rediscover one another's feelings for one another.... about families coming together again after troubles, and about a long lost son who discovers his long lost dad... It's sappy and romantic, the kind of things that you can easily lable 'movie magic', and the kind of coincidences that could only occur on a big white screen... Even so, this movie made me wipe away tears from the corners of my eyes. It was so touching for some reason, even though it was stereotypical, it touched me so much, because it embraced many of the dreams and ideas I live and long for...

"When you're young, you'll believe anything. Spinach will give you muscles, your father is the strongest man in the Netherlands, and Sinterklaas is real. But there will be a day that you look at the man's shoes and think... wait a minute, those are my fathers shoes. You always suspected something like that but it's all getting through to you now. It's nonsense to believe there's a man with a long white beard in Spain who takes the steam-boat to the Netherlands every year to put something in your shoe. And another thing, spinach won't give you muscles, The Netherlands will never win the world cup and you won't marry your teacher.

You will get older and more miserable. The only moments in life that you feel the same like you did back then are the moments you love someone. Truly love someone. Everything that is stupid or hurts falls away. Love is all and we have to keep believing that. So what if we all together decided; Sinterklaas is real. We'll still know that we'll have to buy the presents ourselves but it's the thought that counts. That we keep believing that it can still work out for us, with love. Because love is like Sinterklaas, you have to believe it, because else it's all lost."

It sums up my thoughts very well... and the actors, many of them famous, bring the dialogue and comedy and romance alive. Love is out there, to be found and unwrapped, like a special gift you have been waiting and wishing for, and will eventually receive. Even after disappointments, even if people let you down or don't give you the same in return, you have patience. Little gestures, little words, little glances, little moves... not just the love between lovers, but also between friends and family, between strangers too.

Because love is everywhere, and everything is love.

"If it's about love, then sooner or later we're all too lat. It's about those tiny happy moments in between. Moments when everything just about then fall precise into their places."

Issues

I was at work today, and suddenly a friend called. Within minutes she was in tears.

I guess like my horoscope says, I'm a caring person, and so people come to me with their personal problems. She's been having a lot of health issues, and because of the pressures of her work, she's been putting off going to the doctor. But now she decided it must be done, before things get any worse.

Sometime ago I helped her choose a good health insurance. The way it works here is you pay close to 100Euros per month, and most of the basic health care and emergency dental care is covered. It's a lot of money, and a big burden for example for people on low wages. And to be frank... the health standard is pretty mediocre, often having to wait a long time to get an appointment, and often doctors are so overworked they have no patience or the time to really deal with your problems carefully.

So my friend went to the doctor, and her doctor told she was being paranoid and actually said he had no time to make an appointment for her. She went to the hospital to see if she could see a specialist. When she arrived, she pulled a ticket to wait in line. When it was her turn, she walked up to the counter, and the assistant said it was the wrong ticket, and told my friend to get another ticket. So my friend did as she was told, and got the correct ticket. There was no one else waiting. And she was told to the very same counter where the lady said to her less than a minute ago that it was the wrong ticket.

This is bureaucracy, pure and simple. Apparently the assistent didn't see there was anything wrong asking my friend to get another ticket, even though there was no one around, and even though the assistant was responsible for the same tasks! This reminds me of this famous commercial by this insurance company.



The mother and daughter lost the purple crocodile yesterday, and returned to pick it up at the swimming pool. The crocodile is just behind the counter, but the man asks the mum to fill in a form... and the back side of the form. When she hands the form in, the man says to hand in the form between 9 and 10 tomorrow. Mum points out the crocodile is just there... the man agrees, but does nothing.

Hilarious, but so very true. Bascially it's very typical of what kind of useless and meaningless bureaucracy Dutch people come across when they deal with 'official' business. Papers to sign, forms to fill in, declarations to file... even though some things can be done so easily and more efficiently.

Pisces!

pretty accurate...

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors. They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.

Dine and wine

I had a really laugh-filled night tonight. I've been trying to arrange a dinner with the four assistants I work with for a while, but every time it was cancelled because someone couldn't make it. And finally, tonight was the night we could all sit down together and do something 'social'.

I've been working with them (or actually, they've been working for me!) for a couple of weeks now, and I feel like we don't yet know each other that well yet. I try to bring them together, buy little snacks and drinks to treat them, but still between some of the team there's still very little connection. There were even a number of incidents that caused some misunderstandings, but thankfully that's more or less resolved.

I feel kind of bad, since, well, I'm the 'boss', and I'm supposed to bring them all together, because that's what a team is about. It's kind of difficult, because some of them come only one day a week, and don't get to see the others. And I really treat them as equals, and told them also that no-one is above or under any one at all, because we're all around the same age, so there's really no way to act as if we're pompous and sophisticated office people. We're students, but with a part-time job!

So the dinner plan was supposed to 'socialise' us all, and it really worked. We got together at a nice Italian restaurant. It was really unique, because you go in and they give you an electronic card, and every time you order something, it's cooked in front of you, and you pay when you leave by giving back the card. I treated them to some 'bruchetta', and bought drinks too. And I guess the food and drinks brought us close(r) together, and soon enough we were making jokes and really feeling more comfortable around one another.

I had a bit to drink, and soon was feeling really tipsy, as were the others. One glass of wine, a large glass of strawberry frozen margharitas... and David starts to talk about anything and everything! Preferred positions, how big and firm, how nice and juicy etc, etc. Before I start sounding like a pervert, I really am not. Just, when you put together a number of tipsy students together, you are never too far from the topic of sex. And we laughed so much I could feel my cheeks really hurting!

Who would have thought that an evening of bonding between us would have turned into such uncontrollable bouts of laughter and fun!