2am

Know I should go to bed soon, and I will, after I finish writing this.

The weather's not been too kind lately. First, it was six weeks of no rain, and suddenly almost non-stop pouring rain and storm since last week. What was strange was as soon as it started to rain, my whole mood changed. Before I was feeling so energetic and so alive, and now suddenly reduced to that chocolate-eating, cookie-munching monsters who spends much too much time in bed, and much too little time studying or working on his thesis! And the more you sleep, or eat, or do nothing you should be doing, the more guilty you feel, and the more guilty you feel, the more depressed you get...

If only the sun would shine again. If only there were more colours in life, like that picture...

Restless

The beach was covered with foam the other day. Rather disgusting, all these dirty brown bubbles everywhere, like a long stretch of stranded and dead jellyfish cluttering up what normally is a clear and clean beach to walk on. Not really normal...

Had my very last class two days ago. Just one more exam to do at the end of this month, and then the thesis to complete, and I'm practically finished with my course! But the problem is the thesis... even though I spoke to my supservisor last week already, and even though I've got some books and ideas to help me start, I don't feel like starting at all. Suddenly, because the classes have finished, I feel like there's no motivation any more to do anything.

Been just walking around, chatting to friends, going to the movies, but not really doing any work at all. And I'm the kind of person who feels 'guilty' if I don't do anything 'constructive'. Woke up much too late again this morning, and went to bed much too late again last night. Had all these plans of doing this and that, but feel so lazy, and feel like going out and just going cycling somewhere. Just really, really restless.

One by One

Here am I
Yet another goodbye!
He says Adiós, says Adiós,
And do you know why
She won't break down and cry?
- she says Adiós, says Adiós, Goodbye.

One by one my leaves fall.
One by one my tales are told.

It's no lie
She is yearning to fly.
She says Adiós, says Adiós,
And now you know why
He's a reason to "sigh"
- she says Adiós, says Adiós, Goodbye.

One by one my leaves fall.
One by one my tales are told.

My, oh my!
She was aiming too high.
He says Adiós,
And now you know why
There's no moon in her sky
- he says Adiós, says Adiós, Goodbye.

No Goodbyes
For love brightens their eyes
Don't say Adiós, say Adiós,
And do you know why
There's a love that won't die?
- don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye.

- don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye.
- don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye.
- don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye

The ex

The train slowly pulled away, and the last echo of the rails sounded so hard and heavy.
I stood on the empty platform and watched the train disappear into the distance, my body still trying to recover from the hug we gave each other moments before. A chilly morning, cloudy, gray.

Even songs I've heard time and time again had new meaning, and I could almost understood why the lyrics are the way they are. The streets were deserted, hollow and silent, all except for the coo-coo sound of a pigeon trying to woo its other half. The square where it's normally bustling with life, and people, was unearthily still. The sun hid, and even the wind that had been so wild the night before shied away.



For the first time in a long time, I felt this strange and sudden emptiness within me. Strange, because I didn't even realise there were going to be such feelings. Sudden, because it came as soon as the carriage doors closed and as the train inched bit by bit away.

It was a quick trip, but a memorable one down memory lane. We've not seen one another for more than four years, and I guess both of us have changed, somewhat. And grown. We walked around town together, down the same paths in the woods we had walked together... stood on the same beach we once sat and cuddled on... had dinner at the same restaurant we once dined at... even passed by the bench in the park where we shared our first kiss. It was a cold and bitterly windy night, but around the candlenight and in the dusk light of the sun setting over the roaring sea, it seemed so serene, peaceful, and romantic. He stayed over for the night.



All those things we first did together some six years ago, came flooding back as we slowly strolled together... the laughs, the inside-joke, the conversations we shared, the little likes and dislikes that you remind each other of and that end with a warm feeling inside because you know each other so well... We were innocent, perhaps even naive, teens then, and for us both it was our first relationship. For me perhaps the only love I've known until now. Maybe that's why it felt especially empty saying farewell not so long ago... I walked the streets, and wondered whether I'd find that feeling again... whether I'd feel that feeling again.


Into the reflection of a shop window I stared, and a lonely boy standing in the empty streets in a sleeping city stared back.