24 May 2015

dream : missing flights

I was packing bags in  such a hurry and ready to leave home. In this world, mum and dad were there, so was brother, and somehow I had had enough and was desperate to leave. Why, I don't know... I think they were both ill in this world, but still, that didn't seem to faze me or deter me, I just felt like it would be such a relief to get on those flights and fly away (back to Europe, in this world).

I rushed around packing bags, grabbing whatever I could. The flight was scheduled at 1249pm, flying through Singapore, then with the latest new planes, in Business class, to Zurich then to Frankfurt then to Amsterdam. I remember telling dad this itinerary would take me to all these cities where we had made beautiful memories together...


Mum was sad that I Was leaving, for it was days before another visit to the hospital. But I Did not feel any remorse whatsoever. Nothing seemed to bother me... all my thoughts were about getting on those flights I had meticilously planned and booked, and what was going on at home did not figure much in my mind... Brother was evidently upset, angry that I was leaving so quickly and leaving our parents behind...

I was packing things, and under the cupboards found my suitcases. I also found bags of moments, toy cars of mine... I remembered distinctly I felt like I needed to take some toy cars with me, just for keepsake... but then I put then away and told myself I'd be back home soon and that here was no point. I just wanted to get away, had no time for sentiments .

Then, I checked my flight schedule... the flight was at 1. And it was already 1230. I swore and cursed. I was so upset my plans were frustrated. Mum came to calm me down as I frantically tried to call the airline and to change my flights to the next day, but there were no flights, at least nothing like the perfect itinerary I had planned. I was rude to her, didn't care about her feelings, and she became visibly sad and hurt that I was in such a hurry to leave...I was so selfish, so spoiled, so angry in this universe, this reality...

I woke up and hid myself under the blanket.

Thank goodness it was all a dream...but my mum and dad were there... why didn't I treasure our moments together? Why not?... why not?