"I'm going up to sleep," I said, "take good care of yourself. You have two children now."
There was a silence. He looked at me, as if wanting to say something. But he said nothing. Brother sat in his chair in his corner of the living room, where he has sat for the past ten or so years every night, smoking his ecigarette, and leaning back on the arm chair.
"Ok", he said.
I was disappointed. The whole evening, I hung around the living room, hoping we could chat and catch up. But we did not. Instead, there was the awkward silence brought on in the aftermath of a feud, an ugly and fragile silence that made my stomach churn and feel so much like crying...
There was a huge, huge fight after a really pleasant dinner. All over a stupid driving incident in which he accusedd my sister-in-law of not stopping for a pedestrian, whereas she insists there were two at the crossing and he only saw the one that came after she had driven through the crossing. They were shouting for at least 15 minutes. I sat in the floor pretending to do my suitcase. But how could I really? My nephew came to me once and sat he wants to take a bath... He looked at me and pulled at my clothes as my sister in law pounded the table and my brother raised his voice (I may be biased, but he is in his same old mode of all-I-say-is-right-and-you-are-wrong...)
Jacob ran upstairs, and I'm sure the relatives (my sisterinlaws family) felt so uncomfortable and quietly cringed (as I did) while they fought... At one point, one of the aunties came down and broke up the fight, saying you've all said what you needed to say, there is nothing else to say.
Throughout I felt like crying. It was so much like dad and mum when they used to have goes at one another , which always made me want to disppear and not have to listen or experience all this... It always made me wonder why people cannot get along... Why is it so difficult to get along?
And I felt horrible for the children, my nephew and my little niece who is barely a month old. My nephew came downstairs to draw on his chalkboard, and he drew a head with eyes and dots below the eyes "mama cry cry" he said. It broke my heart... I took a picture of that moment...
Childrens' hearts and emotions are ever so fragile....
Brother and I said nothing more after that fighting. I'm leaving in a few hours. A week stay is almost at an end, and what an ending it is...
How I wish it could be more different. But alas nothjng ever really is
