Night out

It's been a while since I last had so much fun. Started with a little "Wine and Cheese" at my new apartment, and four close friends came by to warm the house up. Not the first time I've had people over at the new place, but definitely the most people I've had at any one time here. And the food was elaborate, with cheese from Vermont, and lots of wine, and I made some great baked paprikas filled with tofu and shitake mushrooms. Had a good time, just chatting, relaxing and enjoying one another's company.

Then my friends encouraged me to go out. To be honest, at first I was reluctant, and feeling somewhat 'ugly' to go out. But eventually I did, and I'm glad I did. Went to a bar/restaurant at the Village, then later went dancing at a trendy 90s bar/club. Initially, I was feeling somewhat ill from all the food I had earlier in the evening, but the music, the dancing and company made it all the better. Soon I was dancing away to hits from my teenage years, miming the lyrics and moving shoulder to shoulder with my friends.

It was 3am before we finally left the place, and drizzling a little. But I insisted on going home on my bike. The idea of sleeping over at my friend's place, together with two other couples seemed just a little too much for comfort, so I said I'd rather cycle in the dark and rain to go home.

Home alone, like the many nights before this night. But at least I can sleep well and rest well after all the fun and excitement I've had this night.

Tormented by nightmares

Day after day, I've been having nightmares. Frightening ones, ones in which I cry and weep, hurt and feel deep, deep sorrow. Just woke up, thinking that my eyes and face are wet from tears. Somehow I dreamt of dad, he came to me, and told me all about his favourite foods. Fermented egg, salted egg, little squids, pork knuckle, potato leaves... all his favourite foods. And in the dream, I felt a strong sudden urge to get up and prepare these things for him. To honour him, to remember him, to respect him, and show him how much he means to me still....

And I woke up, feeling such deep loss, such deep pain and longing. The day's already begun, but I am left wandering in the lingering past...