Unwell

It is hard to see a loved one ill and weak. I cannot describe that feeling.
Worse is when that person feels like the walls are closing in. And that feeling is infectious.

Lost thoughts in Taipei

Yesterday, mum and I went to the National Palace Museum. I insisted, because I thought it would make her forget the miseries of constantly having deadly chemicals being pumped into her through a tube in her shoulder.

Though I was a bit worried whether it would be too tiring for her, it was not actually too bad, and we had a good time. She hid her infusion equipment in her pursue and we walked around the museum admiring all sorts of artifacts, and even enjoyed a good lunch at the restaurant next door. Just like that, the day flew by, and it was already late afternoon when we arrived home again.

Then, as if from one instance to the next, the drugs took effect. I had a meal of vegetables, mushrooms and dumplings prepared. She took a few bites, and felt nausea rise. Within moments she rushed to the bathroom, from where I heard gagging sounds.

It was painful to hear, and mood dampening to watch. Worst thing, mum kept on apologising that she cannot eat what I had cooked for her... and even at one point apologising for the fact that she was ill and that she was letting us (my brother and me) worry about her wellbeing.

The rest of last night and this morning she was lethargic and pale. Sitting did not seem right, and walking around did not seem right. Even lying down felt uncomfortable. Nothing she did seemed right, and it is always like this every time she has chemo. Thankfully this morning the infusion medicine had finished, and we could go to the hospital to take out the tubing. But then the nausea returned, together with the tiredness and sad looking posture.

I sat next to her, laid next to her... I put my hand on her back as she slept, imagining that my hand could miraculously such out the cancerous tumours inside her intestines. But, of course, no way can I ever take the pain or suffering away... no way can I imagine the misery and pain of being so struck down by the medicine that you feel no enthousiasm for any food or anything that you previously so enjoyed doing.

And how many people in the world must live with this... and how many family and relatives must also live with this!

National Palace Musuem

Something my professor in Chinese Politics at SOAS once said has always stuck with me:
"If you only go to Taiwan to visit the National Palace Museum, then this alone will be worth the trip".

Of course, there is much more to see, eat and do in Taiwan than just the museum, but my professor was right. The National Palace Museum ranks up there with the world-class museums in London (the British Museum), Paris (the Louvre) and New York (the Metropolitan), and is famed for its huge collection of Chinese art and culture.

It is easy to see why. Situated between green mountains in the suburbs of Taipei, the museum has over half a million artifacts that date back to five thousands years before the common era (BCE). Only a tiny fraction of the collection can be on display, while the rest are hidden inside a huge cave in the mountain behind it. Given the 3 month display cycle, they say it will take twelve years to see everything.

Admittedly the collection was largely 'taken' from China at the end of the Chinese Civil War. Then, with the help of the Americans, the failed Kuomingtang regime gradually fled to Taiwan, taken much the of gold and precious treasures of ancient China with them. But, as my professor said, it was perhaps a good thing that all these treasures are now still preserved in Taiwan, because much of it would have been lost in the frenzy of the Cultural Revolution. Thus the Forbidden Palace in Beijing, where most of the artifacts were originally located, today stands largely bare. While in Taipei visitors are able to enjoy magnificent works of calligraphy, pottery, masonry and the symbolisms and longevity of Chinese culture throughout the millennia.

While much of the rest of the world lived in caves (some 6000BCE), bronze ceremonial vessels were already being shaped and made in the large expanse of what is known as China today. Wars, disasters man-made and natural, upheavals, and the rise and fall and rise of states together mark the long history of China. It is a country (if ever it can be called one) of great resilience and vigour, with a rich heritage, yet is philosophically humble and respectful to all others. (At least in times of peace). In times when China has historically been powerful and more territorial agressive, one should perhaps heed Napoleon's advice to "Let the dragon sleep". This applies no less today.

Even the Ancient Greeks would probably have been awed at those statues of elaborately carved and gilded Buddhas and dieties, and the scriptures that describe Taoist-Way and the wisdom of Confucius and Mencius. This is after all where the wheel, paper and fireworks were all invented. And in the process great works of art and culture have thrived. Further, there are beautiful calligraphy writings that capture the essence of human creativity and the flow of nature, right next to ornate paintings depicting life in the luxury of emperor's palace. Fine jade works and ivory carvings, ceramics and vases stand admirably under intense lighting that bring out their every curve and the careful craftsmanship.

Culture, religion, philosophy and daily life in a peasant village and in the imperial court can all be gleamed from the eye to detail and finesse in every single item on display. A civillisation's greatness is often captured by the remnants of its dynasties, and certainly ancient China had many, many that outlived those in Europe or elsewhere. (see part of the amazing collection here.)