Went to the baby store today, since I'll be visiting a classmate who recently gave birth, and also next week I'm going to see my godson who's going to celebrate his first birthday.
I stood there in the huge store selling all sorts of things for the baby... from clothes to prams, from car chairs to burn-prevention unit you put on the stove. And of course there are toys... soft toys, stuffed toys, wooden toys, colourful toys, toys that make lots of noise, and toys that put the baby to sleep in a soft soft lullaby. Must have stood there for a long time, wondering what I could buy for the two babies... I wanted to buy everything, to make the babies as happy as possible. They say the first few months and years of your life really shapes you, and especially the things that you come into contact and play with. I felt like whatever I buy will have an impact on the child, so it must be a careful and meaningful choice. It seemed like price wasn't important any more, as long as I could get something that will be in the child's life and memories...
Around me were couples also shopping for toys. Some of the ladies had huge bellies, others had young toddlers wobbling around them.
I stood there, looking at all these wonderful and colourful play things. How lucky babies are to be showered with love.
I think I've been exhausting myself too much, and feeling the stress slowly creep in and get a hold of me. Last night I lay in bed but couldn't sleep for hours and hours, until it was almost morning. When I finally managed to sleep, it wasn't long before the alarm went and I had to go off to uni.
One more week before my final exam. After that I'll be completely done with my classes for the entire masters programme. I really want to do well, but have been so preoccupied and stressed about my thesis that I've barely even started to study. I've been spending the last week or so just reading and researching for my thesis, but it seems like the more I read, the more lost I get. Was supposed to write up something for my supervisor to read by yesterday, but all I have is around 10,000 words of my typed notes, but nothing concrete that I can show. And I feel pretty guilty, since I had promised I'd give my supervisor something to read, and I really want to make a good impression.
I've decided not to think about the thesis any more, at least for a whole, and just focus on my exam. Problem is this last course is so... boring. Usually I enjoy classes, and pay attention and do the reading and work throughout the year, but this particular one just puts me off. It must be because of that big brick of a 1500+page book that is on the table collecting dust. Just wish it could all be over soon...
As if I don't already have enough on my mind, my brother's been nagging at me to go with him to see the car he wants to buy. I told him that it's really his choice, and that I don't need to be there, but every single day he keeps on asking. So finally today I took a few hours to go do the test drive. It's a pretty amazing car, really flashy from the outside, and a unique shiny brownish-gray colour. The inside is so streamlined and slick-black, with computerised displays and speedometer, and all the essential gadgets and accessories. It's almost brand new, only got a thousand or so kilometers, and has been only used by the car dealer for test drives. Which means the price can be lowered than a completely brand new one.... but still, it's very expensive, and definitely going to be a burden on his finances. I didn't say much, because I've already said what I needed to say. I had already told him that he should buy a car he can afford by himself, and that he shouldn't have to borrow from my mum. But that didn't seem to be important. Not any more, or at least not as important as owning a big, brand new car. I knew whatever I say wouldn't make a difference, because he's already had his eyes and mind set. Me being there was just a formality.
He was so excited, like a little boy getting the toy he's been looking at for a long time and finally has it in his hands. Within an hour documents were signed, and the car will be his coming weekend. I guess I'm happy for him in a way... since it's been his dream ever since he started working, and I'm glad that I'll no longer have to hear about cars, cars, cars again.
But I wondered to myself how long the flashy, new car will have its shine, and how long it will be until he starts to see it as 'just a car', and not as something that's so new and exciting... I guess it's only human that we crave for something so much, and when we finally get it we feel satisfied... but only temporarily. That's what I mean by when he'll start to see it as 'just a car'...
Not sure what it is today. Woke up thinking what a beautiful morning it is and will be… to be ruined by an argument and shouting down the corridor. Not my fight, and I pretended as usual I didn’t hear.
Had breakfast, and somehow I ended up spending over an hour wandering around in my room and wondering whether I should go the library. Problem was, on Sundays the library is open only four hours, and it takes me around two hours just to get there and back. Being indecisive, I weighed all the 'pros' and 'cons' of "Going to the library on a Sunday" in my head... If I go, I could get some useful books and finally (try and) finish off something to hand into my thesis supervisor tomorrow... But if I did go, I'd have to spend money on the train and also probably feel tired from travelling... If I go, I could get away from this house... but if I did go, I might bump into people and probably might not get any work done at all.
In the end I went. The minute I hopped on my bike things started to go a little wrong. I was cycling for a bit in the opposite direction until I could cross the road, and I almost collided into a bunch of people head on. Then, once I got to the other side, three little girls cycled against the traffic, and I had to brake very suddenly to avoid hitting them. They didn't seem to realise and just rode on, but I was left dazed for a moment or two, my mind plagued by images of what could have happened.
On and on I cycled toward the station, enjoying the sun and green shade below the row of trees that aligned the cycle-path. Out of no where a brown rat ran across the path from left to right. I thought it would run on, but instead it suddenly changed directions and turned around to cross the path again. I panicked and this fear of running over this little brown rat gripped me. I missed by mere inches, lucky that I braked in time, and lucky that it ran away quickly enough not to be squashed into mouse mince under my bike wheel. I didn’t want to be guilty of killing another living being, bad enough after the ‘snail incident’ a few weeks ago.
As I made my way to the law faculty, just minding my own business, out of nowhere a pigeon dropped a green pile of poo in front of me. Had I been a mere second quicker, the poo would have struck my head, I thought to myself. It was so close that as the poo splattered onto the ground, the tip of my shoe got splashed on. A close escape...
But it was only when I went to the bathroom minutes later did I realise that the pigeon did hit me! I guess I was lucky not on my clothes or on my body... but the poo landed squarely on my backpack. Slimy, grimy, green and smelly... My fingers accidentally touched the pile. I felt disgusted, hastily grabbed some paper towels and moistened it with water and began to wipe and wipe and wipe. Nothing seemed to get the stain out...
Managed to get some solid work done in the library, and decided it was around time to go home. With my string of good luck, the moment I stepped out the door it started to rain. Drizzle at first, and then it poured. My coat and clothes got soaked, and I quickly looked in my bag for that umbrella I usually have in there. To my luck I had decided the other day that I probably won't be needing it anymore these days, so took it out.
Drenched, dripping, I dragged myself home… to console myself by listening to ‘Lemon Tree’.
