In memory

In memory of an unborn life,
Chance passed it by, and so did life.

Today it was done. They went to the abortion clinic, and after a few hours the egg was removed.
I got a call from my brother today around lunch time, saying they had to wait a few hours. They did an ultrasonic scan first, and they could see it. The size of a small ball, my brother said, and he showed me with his fingers. It was about the size of the circle you make when you do the 'OK' sign with your hand. Nothing much, just a ball, he said. And oh yeah, there were so many people at the clinic, mostly young people.

It was awfully quiet when they came home. The girlfriend sat alone, eating silently in the dinning room. She looked 'empty'. I didn't know what to say, and all I asked was whether she was alright. 'Fine', she said. She has been sleeping pretty much ever since she got back.

Later I found out that they had to scrape the uterus clean. Just reading about it, and imagining it made me sick. Really physically sick. What it must have been like for her, and for so many who have to undergo it...

Seven weeks old, it was. I wondered what it would be like at seven weeks old...and so I checked.

I don't know...The more I think about what was done today, I more I feel uncomfortable.
I can't write on any more about this...

Gays and AIDS

It's a bit old, but I've not come across a good article like this before on the issue of gays and AIDS, with a focus on the US and ethnic minorities.

As sex has become not merely physically but emotionally safer, it's become more popular.

UPDATE 14 May 2006
"No action without protection" Swiss style

Google trends

Want to know what the hottest word search on Google is, and where it's being searched?
Go to Google Trends!

Andrew Sullivan's weblog provided this insight. Apparently the UK wins the award for the most searches of 'gay twinks'...
and after English Dutch is the second most used language in the searches.
I may be responsible : P

So she is

Not new-s, but old-s.













(Picture from: StrangeCosmos)

Fight

Well, at least the shouting has stopped.

It's strange one minute my brother is shouting left and right, and the next minute all's quiet again, and he and his girlfriend have dimmed the lights and are sleeping.

It was unpleasant to hear the shouts. My brother was scolding the girlfriend for not studying diligent enough. He has a point, since so far she's not managed to pass any of her subjects. I guess he was just concerned that she may not pass this year. But why shout and scream like that? I mean there are better and more 'civilised' ways to get the message across than shout and scream and repeatedly drone in the same message every single day, right?

It was uncomfortable, being just next door and hearing all those abusive words, and not being able to say a thing. It's not the words themselves that made it disturbing, there was no name calling or worse; it was more the tone they were said in, and how I imagined the girlfriend must have been feeling. Was she crying? Was she bitter and angry? She came out to go to the bathroom, which is across from my. I think she avoided looking at me...or was it I who avoided looking at her? What an awkward situation...


This is not the first time, and probably won't be the last. My brother definitely has anger- and emotion-management issues. I've been in similar situations plenty of times to know that when my brother gets angry he seems to become so un-human. Trust me, I would know.

I felt like I wanted to say something, or at least do something to break off the tension. I don't like seeing people abused, and it fills me with this oppressive feeling of anger mixed with powerlessness and memories. Time and time again.

Bike boy

Just took my bike to the repairshop, something was wrong with the pedal.

When I entered the workshop, three guys were in there, 'getting their hands dirty'.
One guy came up to me and asked what I needed help with. He was so good-looking...blond hair combed over with gel, clear blue eyes, clean shaven, squarish jaw, and had a earring in one ear. A litttle shorter than me, but perhaps around my around too.

I looked at him as he worked. Once or twice he looked back at me, looking at him, and smiled.
He was finished in no time. And he went on to give my bike a quick checkup for no extra charge. He even took my bike out for me, and I thanked he. Smile.

Well, musn't read too much into that...
but a boy can dream, right?

What kind of asshole are you?

This is just too funny not to write about here!!