Rant alarm: mild
Have you ever been to a party and wondered what you should say to people?
I have, and just came back from one.
Again it was a an ex-colleagues place, but this time there were less of the 'intellectual' discussions (less doesn't mean none). And it was alright overall.
But just before I entered the room I was actually really, really nervous. In my head I was wondering what I should say, what I can say, and the same kind of low-self esteem perks kept bothering me. And once I was in the room with some strangers I felt like I lost the ability to speak. I was just standing there, and very nervous, and wondering what to say, or how to interact with people. I can talk, but just starting the conversation that's the hardest part. In my mind I keep telling or discouraging myself, thinking that maybe they'll not find me or what I have to say interesting. And that really hinders how I function socially.
So instead I got myself busy, because by being busy is probably the only way I didn't feel so self-conscious and so awkward. I kept on asking the host what I could do to help, so she gave me the job of cutting vegetables and stuff. Which I did, and with pleasure too. When you're busy, or looking busy there seems to be less pressure to have to talk. And I felt 'useful'.
I guess at parties I just listen and follow whatever people say. But then there are those awkward moments at parties when everyone is quiet and the conversation then goes back to the weather ("Isn't it lovely?" or "Isn't it terrible?" ) or to the kids running around ("Aww, how cute").
And then after the party was finished I went off with a friend (the girl whose place I stayed at last weekend). She and I are pretty close. And I was like a completely different person. I could actually talk without tripping over words, and I was (or at least I felt I was) actually funny, spontaneous, and sounded intelligent too ; ) Why difference?? Why can't I be spontaneous and free all the time, with anyone and everyone?
Anyways, hope this stayed within the 'mild' level of ranting I indicated before....
27 May 2006
Moscow pride ends in violence
Today a gay pride was supposed to be organised in Moscow for the first time ever, to celebrate 13 years since homosexuality was decriminalised in Russia. At the last minute the Mayor of Moscow put a stop to it, because he claimed he needed to respect the opinions of the majority in the city, and gays were definitely the minority. Amsterdam's gay friendly mayor, Job Cohen, even wrote to the mayor of Moscow asking the ban to be lifted. But no use.
Despite the ban, a group of people marched anyway, but met opposition from orthodox christians and neofacists. It turned ugly, and violent.
This is from a country that is now chairing the presidency of the European Council--THE organisation responsible for safeguarding human rights in Europe.
Despite the ban, a group of people marched anyway, but met opposition from orthodox christians and neofacists. It turned ugly, and violent.
This is from a country that is now chairing the presidency of the European Council--THE organisation responsible for safeguarding human rights in Europe.
Away at home
Came home from shopping, and as soon as I closed the door I heard shouting.
Again, he's at it again...scolding and blaming, showing who's the boss, showing who is right and who is wrong. I put away the things I bought into the fridge, but didn't dare go upstairs.
I thought of going out again, just get away from this all. Really too much sometimes. But it started to pour with rain, so I guess I'll just stay in for now.
It was funny...Kitty, the cat, quickly ran downstairs and stayed by my side...
Even she knew not to be involved.
Rant warning: B-WARE!
How long can this last? Really sometimes the whole atmosphere is so hostile and unnatural, and I feel like I'm living in someone else's place, instead of my own. Sure I have my own room, and I spend most of the time in my room too, but then you have to go into the 'common areas' at some point too. Kitchen, always a mess because no one seems to bother tidying up after eating. Living room, has practically become his room because his computer is there and he chain smokes there too.
The other day we had a discussion about the housing situation. (It's complicated, but to do with my parents wanting to switch mortgages and perhaps also thinking about putting the house under my brother's and my names). My brother was saying 'yeah, I'm the one paying for the mortgage and all, but when you start working then you should pay too'. Sure, fair is fair.
But I told him straight out:
"I don't want to live here for the rest of my life. This is practically your house, despite the fact that in name it may be 'our' house. I don't want to be in your way, and I want to live my own life. How long do you think I'm going to be around here??"
I think that got him thinking...
Again, he's at it again...scolding and blaming, showing who's the boss, showing who is right and who is wrong. I put away the things I bought into the fridge, but didn't dare go upstairs.
I thought of going out again, just get away from this all. Really too much sometimes. But it started to pour with rain, so I guess I'll just stay in for now.
It was funny...Kitty, the cat, quickly ran downstairs and stayed by my side...
Even she knew not to be involved.
Rant warning: B-WARE!
How long can this last? Really sometimes the whole atmosphere is so hostile and unnatural, and I feel like I'm living in someone else's place, instead of my own. Sure I have my own room, and I spend most of the time in my room too, but then you have to go into the 'common areas' at some point too. Kitchen, always a mess because no one seems to bother tidying up after eating. Living room, has practically become his room because his computer is there and he chain smokes there too.
The other day we had a discussion about the housing situation. (It's complicated, but to do with my parents wanting to switch mortgages and perhaps also thinking about putting the house under my brother's and my names). My brother was saying 'yeah, I'm the one paying for the mortgage and all, but when you start working then you should pay too'. Sure, fair is fair.
But I told him straight out:
"I don't want to live here for the rest of my life. This is practically your house, despite the fact that in name it may be 'our' house. I don't want to be in your way, and I want to live my own life. How long do you think I'm going to be around here??"
I think that got him thinking...
25 May 2006
Hall of Shame
Human Rights Watch recently published a list of people who have "actively promoted prejudice against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in their countries".
And ho! Rita Verdonk, the Dutch Minister for Immigration and Integration was number 2 on the list of 2006!
Way to go Rita!
And ho! Rita Verdonk, the Dutch Minister for Immigration and Integration was number 2 on the list of 2006!
For closing borders and closet doors: Immigration Minister Rita Verdonk, the Netherlands
In February 2006, Immigration Minister Rita Verdonk announced a plan to end a six-month moratorium on the deportation of LGBT asylum-seekers back to Iran. Minister Verdonk said that in Iran, “For homosexual men and women it is not totally impossible to function in society, although they should be wary of coming out of the closet too openly.” Iran imposes the death penalty on men and women convicted of homosexual conduct.
The freeze on deportations had initially been imposed in 2005, after reports of executions in Iran for homosexual conduct. Iran’s criminal code states that lavat – sexual intercourse between men – “is punishable by death.” The punishment for sexual intercourse between women is 100 lashes; if the offence is repeated three times, the punishment is execution.
Human Rights Watch has documented brutal floggings imposed by courts as punishment for homosexual acts, and torture and ill-treatment, including sexual abuse, in police custody. International human rights law, including treaties by which the Netherlands is legally bound, prohibits the deportation of anyone to a destination where they may be at risk of torture or inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
Under parliamentary pressure, Verdonk reinstated a freeze on deportations for a further six months, pending an investigation into conditions in Iran. Verdonk’s statement that staying in the closet is an acceptable price for staying alive was deeply ominous. Silencing an essential part of the human personality is not a way of avoiding persecution: it is the essence of persecution.
Way to go Rita!
"Modern homophobia"?
This commentary by the chairperson of the leading holebi organisation in the Netherlands (COC) believes there is reason to suspect a rising homphobia in the Netherlands.
The reasons? Like I mentioned before, the fiasco about the name of the 'peacekeeping force' in Afghanistan... And then there's also the refusal by civil servants in some municipalities to register same-sex marriages/partnerships. The Prime Minister apparently publicly declared on a state visit to Indonesia that he had voted against the same-sex marriage legislation. Then there's the affair about the possible deportation of two homosexual Iranian asylum seekers, because the minister for Immigration didn't think that they would be in any danger when they return to Iran.
The reasons? Like I mentioned before, the fiasco about the name of the 'peacekeeping force' in Afghanistan... And then there's also the refusal by civil servants in some municipalities to register same-sex marriages/partnerships. The Prime Minister apparently publicly declared on a state visit to Indonesia that he had voted against the same-sex marriage legislation. Then there's the affair about the possible deportation of two homosexual Iranian asylum seekers, because the minister for Immigration didn't think that they would be in any danger when they return to Iran.
Eurovision Song Festival
Hm, someone told me something that may just change my (and the rest of the Dutchies') opinion of the Eurovision song festival. I always thought it was boring the voting were somehow rigged, but something last week Saturday made it more exiciting.
Apparently, the Dutch presenter who gave the results of the voting in the Netherlands pulled a funny joke live on TV. Paul de Leeuw, a very popular and openly gay talkshow host, flirted with Sakis, the male host of the song festival in Athens. I didn't see it, but this other blogger summed it up nicely:
Haha! The other day I heard just around 40% of the Dutchies watched the festival ...perhaps after the Paul de Leeuw fiasco ratings will soar next year.
Apparently, the Dutch presenter who gave the results of the voting in the Netherlands pulled a funny joke live on TV. Paul de Leeuw, a very popular and openly gay talkshow host, flirted with Sakis, the male host of the song festival in Athens. I didn't see it, but this other blogger summed it up nicely:
Paul de Leeuw. the spokesman for the Netherlands compared the two hosts, Maria and Sakis, to Will and Grace, and then proceeded to shamelessly flirt with Sakis. He was making fun of Sakis' name and clothes, called him "chickie" at least 3 times and before he announced the 12 points, he said to Sakis: "If you guess who will get the 12 points, I will give you my number"! , alluding to a sexual encounter. Sakis responded: "I bet it is 696969".
Haha! The other day I heard just around 40% of the Dutchies watched the festival ...perhaps after the Paul de Leeuw fiasco ratings will soar next year.
24 May 2006
the other side of "I did it"!
OK, so I just came back from a +25km walk, if you want to know details, go to my main blog .
I guess here is where the more jucier details go.
Well, remember I said I got some freebies as part of the raising awareness campaign? I got a bag of tea, some pens, a few flyers....and a condom too. The guy there stood there for like 5minutes talking to me about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs, or in Dutch seksuelle overdraagbare aandoening SOA....please DO NOT, like many people, confuse with my university SOAS!!!) . How common they are, and how deadly they are in the developing world, etc etc. Something else, which was a shocker: 40% of young people in the Netherlands do not use condoms! The guy said that as-a-matter-of-factly, looking at me probably thinking: "Gee, I hope you're not part of this 40%!"
This despite the fact that the official government sponsored campaign against STDs runs with the slogan:
"Laat je niet naaien zonder condoom" (www.safesex.nl)
["Don't let yourself be fucked without condom"]
And this is where it gets more intersting.
Remember I mentioned Haagse Bos as notorious for 'unusual night activities'? Well I saw some, nothing hardcore I must add before people start getting excited. There were a couple of guys (strangely only guys) standing on the side of the path, just standing there, as if they were waiting for something. I mean, please, it was 1am, pouring with rain and freeezing cold....what else could they be waiting for?
Greetings from Holland.
CORRECTION 25 mei 2006
Just realised, instead of one I actually received two condoms. Someone must have slipped me the other one without me realising. Well, knowing me it'll probably be a while till they'll be 'put into action'.
Does anyone know if condoms expire at all ???
I guess here is where the more jucier details go.
Well, remember I said I got some freebies as part of the raising awareness campaign? I got a bag of tea, some pens, a few flyers....and a condom too. The guy there stood there for like 5minutes talking to me about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs, or in Dutch seksuelle overdraagbare aandoening SOA....please DO NOT, like many people, confuse with my university SOAS!!!) . How common they are, and how deadly they are in the developing world, etc etc. Something else, which was a shocker: 40% of young people in the Netherlands do not use condoms! The guy said that as-a-matter-of-factly, looking at me probably thinking: "Gee, I hope you're not part of this 40%!"
This despite the fact that the official government sponsored campaign against STDs runs with the slogan:
"Laat je niet naaien zonder condoom" (www.safesex.nl)
["Don't let yourself be fucked without condom"]
And this is where it gets more intersting.
Remember I mentioned Haagse Bos as notorious for 'unusual night activities'? Well I saw some, nothing hardcore I must add before people start getting excited. There were a couple of guys (strangely only guys) standing on the side of the path, just standing there, as if they were waiting for something. I mean, please, it was 1am, pouring with rain and freeezing cold....what else could they be waiting for?
Greetings from Holland.
CORRECTION 25 mei 2006
Just realised, instead of one I actually received two condoms. Someone must have slipped me the other one without me realising. Well, knowing me it'll probably be a while till they'll be 'put into action'.
Does anyone know if condoms expire at all ???
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