Leaving Taipei

The HSR just departed Taipei. I felt a sudden sadness overcome me. I know it shouldn't matter, but I cannot but feel like I'm leaving a part of me behind... The city carries the memories of my youth, my childhood... I was remembering the other day how for so many summers I would stay with dad at his apartment in Jinshan North Road, the one above the bank, on the fourth floor, room 413. We would fall asleep listening to the radio, he would go to work and I'd explore the city by myself.
Gone, gone those days are long gone but they remain in my memories.

Yesterday afternoon, I had some goose at a traditional Taiwanese eatery near where mum lived. I walked around there by myself a bit, around the department store Takashimaya where she used to go almost daily. I went back to the hotel, rested a bit before going to Dalong Dong to visit the temple famed for answering prayers for love and a stable relationship. Later I met a friend who studied with me, and after that had a walk around the night market with my cousin. Woke up early to go to the Bao An Temple to pray for good health and well-being. I stood there and remembered how I used to go there and pray for mums well-being.... I feel much lighter now. No more illness, no more cancer, no more , no more.

Even so, I feel still somewhat pensive and reflective as the train is pulling out of the tunnel and into daily southward toward Chiayi...

When you come back to the hotel, you realise you are so alone in the city you grew up in.

Do you know how that feels?

Visiting parents

"Itll be some time before you realise things..." The really kind taxi driver said. He lost both his parents within a week of one another. Twenty something years ago when he was in his twenties. It took him well into his forties for him to realise everything happens/happened for a reason. "Its still early days ...."

Four years since mum died, eight since dad passed. The days and years grow, but the feelings remain the same. Sadness, sorrow, longing, heartache... It all feels so real. So recent, but there are memories that feel blurred and are blurring...

Did we go there ? Did mum say such a thing? Did dad act in this way. I miss them still, there's no denying that.

Today when I went to see dad's resting place, there was a necklace of a boddhisatva wrapped around it. I was surprised to see, for who could it have been? I called around and nobody, not my sister in law, not my relatives knew who put that there...

Arrived in Taipei

Arrived in Taipei

I checked into my hotel room, pretty nice little room next to Shinlin metro, steps from the market where mum and I would occasionally go visit together (one of my aunties favourites...). So many memories here, so many.... As I stepped off the train, as I walked toward the mrt and found myself in the midst of all this people, I realised how very lonely I am, how very alone I am in this city. The city I grew up in, the city I lived in and came back to so many times over the years...

Zhong San north road... It connected the main road where mum last lived... To the south is the headquaters of the bank dad used to work... To the north and turn left at Tianmu Square and go a little further and you come to the hospital where mum and dad both left this world. This is Taipei, my hometown, the town I've grown to love and cherish, where I've shed tears and felt such fondness and love for the people in my life...

It is all different now. I feel like a stranger coming to a foreign city that has much changed.

Moments like this , I realise again how much I miss my parents. Tomorrow I will go see them.