Where are you going from here? What are you doing? These are the questions we must constantly ask ourselves throughout our lives...
While studying late at my office today, my colleague walked into my office. We began chatting and the chat lasted almost three hours.
In various ways we are similar. Born on the same day (at least according to the lunar calendar...), lost in life, and both struggling with depression and trying to find our way to happiness. Both Pisces, both from similar social and racial backgrounds. Both working at the institute and finding ourselves at the crossroads of our respective lives. The only difference is that she is several years older than me.
What now? Where to? And how? We both studied law but don't want practise law. I'm studying to eventually take the bar exam, but for what purpose? Why if I never intended to work in a law firm? Why am I stressing myself and spending so much money on exams when in the end it'll just be another degree I'll not likely use?
She spoke to me like an older sister I never had. She kept telling me if she were younger, if she were my age, she would go out and explore what it is that drives her, what it is that motivates her and makes her want to get up in the morning. I'm searching for that still... And all I know is that it's not found at the work place where I work now, definitely when oftentimes I must force myself out of bed and out the door-- not because I need to work, because I feel like I should show y face at my desk and give the impression I'm working.
We spoke about relationships, about life experiences, about parents we lost, about expectations and dreams. Are we not all looking for happiness? Are we not all searching for belonging and for our own place in the world?
"Find what you want... Go find who you are..." was the bottom line.
I am fortunate that I have no real fetters, at least not for the time being. No parents to take care of or worry about, no partner I am really attached to... I can go anywhere, do anything and I will be fine and free to do so. I can wander the world for weeks, months, or a year, and not really have to worry about means or how...
So what's stopping me? What's holding me back? What's preventing me from getting away from it all and giving myself time and space to discover and explore?
Where am I going?
What am I doing?
What does this world mean to me?
I do not know. But I would like to find out.
