There are moments that dawn on you. Such as one as I stood there waiting for the metro home tonight.
I suddenly felt so small... awed and dazed by the amount of work and lack of time in which to deal wit it all. I felt small, almost shrinking as the thought ran through me, right there on the platform. Perhaps after 14 hours or so of lectures, work, reading and writing, I was feeling dizzy and my world spin.
Less than two weeks till the big moot competition in Washington DC. Practice runs in the coming weeks, and my role is to act as the source of law and references to support my two other team mates who will do the actual pleading. I already made it clear at the start that I'd not be good in speaking, definitely not in front of judges and an intimidating forum of claims, counter-claims, rebutals and surrebutals. I just don't think I'm quick enough for all of that, at least not quick enough to formulate my thoughts and translate them into a coherent and eloquent enough argument that will silence the opponent team. I leave that to the other two girls who are much more confident, much more fluent in their English speaking abilities.
And so I'm here, close to midnight... phrases, semblances of words and legal principles still lightly echoing in my head. I feel daunted, challenged, small because I feel there is still so much I do not know. Can one ever be prepared? Can one ever be sufficiently briefed and prepared for all possible arguments and counter-arguments? I feel somewhat pressured, especially being the one in the Institute with a fellowship position. I feel I must perform, must excel, must suceed, or otherwise it'd be like a 'waste' of their faith and all the resources they've invested in me, in us.
Perhaps I'm just thinking too much, frowning and fretting as I write this... It's a competition. There are winners, there are losers. And we can only be one, or the other. But try we did, no matter what.
