Loving you, loving me Ch7

I've sent the latest instalment to Nifty, and it should appear online very shortly!
Thanks for the patience, and hope you'll enjoy it, and continue reading~ : )

Loving you, Loving me: Kitty

If you're wondering what the real Kitty (Kleine Kat) looks like,
here are some sweet and cute, pictures.

Strange sleep

I woke up this morning, and surprise, surprise I had somehow managed to turn my body 90 degrees anticlockwise during the night. Either my cat came in in the middle of the night and did that, or my body is synchronising with the earth's rotation. Just really weird, something that's never happened before, in my 22-and-counting years of experience sleeping.

And I've been having lots of strange, short dreams lately, some even nightmares. Most of them I can't remember anymore, but really does disturb the quality of sleep. Could it be I'm just too bored and have nothing to do? I notice that I tend to dream a lot when I'm not doing much in real world...

Maybe that's why I do so much in my dream world.

More on pedophilia and sex

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...this may be provocative to some.

See also:

• Gay teens and sex

• They are for real

• Party for pedophiles

The new NVD political party established by pedophiles makes news again, this time in a court case. A security company argued that the new political party can no longer use the abbreviation NVD, because the company used it first.

To be fair, before writing about this issue I thought this was just a party for pedophiles, but I’ve come to realise that my views before were based misunderstanding and unwillingness to look beyond the obvious. So to balance the bias I had before, I give you what the NVD declared on its website:

“We are not a ‘pedo-party’ and do not represent the pedophile community in the Netherlands. We embody the interest of NVD-voters, not only those of pedophiles. Our party agenda is much broader than the viewpoints related to pedophilia and child sexuality.”

More news: apparently the NVD is not the first party to call for lowering the age of consent to 12. The Labour Party (PvdA) and D66 (Democrats) have in previous years also discussed calls for the change (Metro, 6 June 2006).

Pim Fortuyn wrote something before in 1999 arguing that pedophilia—“The modern totem of shame” he calls it— has received a received an unjustifiably bad name. It is as natural and genetic as sexual orientation, and something that cannot be changed, however many times you lock the pedophile up to ‘repent’:

“Pedophilia is just like hetero- or homosexuality. It is something that is in the genes, you can do little or nothing about and against it, you are who you are. The social context [contributes] little [to it], sooner or later the tendency will irresistibly arise. It is just as impossible to cure as hetero- or homosexuality. […] During and after the stay in the cell the pedophile may be told that this is not allowed and that he or she must control him/herself, but these are people like you and I. Therefore 100 percent certainty that the pedophile [does not recidivate] is not given.”

The discovery of sex and sexuality is a natural right of a child. How many grew up playing ‘doctor’ with the neighbours or friends? Under the overprotective and over-reactive intervention of ‘experts’ anything remotely intimate is automatically labeled as ‘traumatic’:

“Since the colonization of the world of the child by adults [exploration of sexuality by children] immediately falls under the chapter of immoral and undesired intimacies, and before children have got it figured out, a procession of ‘experts’ are [already] sheltering them. In this way something that was not a problem before—the discovery of the world of the other sex—suddenly becomes a great problem. And if the children were to be traumatized by anuthing, then it is from this ridiculous attention and concern about nothing.”

The overreaction toward pedophilia and pedophiles specifically is not only perpetuated by the state’s insistence in trying to ‘change’ the pedophile through education and prison sentences, but even normal citizens have taken an active role to blacklist and hunt down pedophiles in their neighbourhoods. This is a step back, from the sexual revolutions of the sixties and seventies, Fortuyn argues:

“After the invention of the pill [came] the liberation of sex. Homo(sexual)-sex was accepted, and why should—under strict condition that the child wants it and that it is not being forced— pedo(phile)-sex be not allowed? This enlightened point of view has since been abandoned and under the influence of ‘experts’ the child is portrayed as completely and all free of sexual desires, in any case in contrast with adults.”

Hm, I must agree to an extent, like I’ve already mentioned before. It’s a sensitive issue, but one that has been oversensitivised because we (or society in general) tends to latch a taboo and certain degree of ‘hush-hush-ness’ to the issue. Human beings are sexual beings, but we try to deny it because we want to believe, and make ourselves believe, that we are better and more civilized than animals. Sex is an instinct, just as there is an instinct to seek shelter, food, warmth, and community. I believe in free will, one that is unhindered by any sort of internal and external inhibitions. And whatever form or however sexual contact takes place, it should be based on that very principle.

Step back and you'll see that this is more than a debate about pedophilia. It's about the values and norms that society as whole places on sexuality.

And the reigning (twisted) values and norms that seem to be dominant today:

-when it comes to sex most people are out to 'get' some ('get laid'), and less concerned about giving
-a girl who sleeps around is a slut, but a guy who does that is a 'man'
-it's taboo to have sex with children, but why are porn magazines full of young looking boys/girls who just happened to be '18+'?
-cheating is immoral and frowned upon, but prostitution (whether legal or illegal) is the oldest industry around

Sex today is something that is 'shameful', 'embarrasing', 'guilty', 'hush-hush', even though everyone is engaged in it, one way or another, either alone or with someone else. Which is also one of the reasons why I'm writing in depth about this here, instead of on my main blog. Some people simply cannot take such issues head on.

To quote a friend, "Sex should be like brushing your teeth, you do it at least twice a day".
So where does this taboo around sex come from? Stereotypes, reenforced by centuries of (especially!) religious and political indoctrination, misinformation, and more recently the prevelance of sexually transmitted diseases which further exaggerate on the inherent feeling of shame through fear.

I guess my point is that a party like the NVD puts the debate back into sexuality/sex, and can be beneficial . It may just overthrow the long silence and shame associated with sexuality with proper debate and exchange, and may be liberating for society as a whole.

Unless bias and intolerance silence the party first, that is...

Loving you, loving me: Ch7 "An die Freude"

The 'SFX' for this chapter!

What is An die Freude, and how does it sound?
Here's the original and translation of the text. A true aster piece!

An die Freude
Friedrich Schiller

O Freunde, nicht diese Toene! Sondern lasst uns angenehmere anstimmen und freundenvollere!	O friends! Not these sounds! But let us strike up more pleasant sounds and more joyful!
Freude, schoener Goetterfunken, Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische dein Heiligtum. Deine Zauber binden wieder, Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brueder, Wo dein sanfter Fluegel weilt.	Joy, o wondrous spark divine, Daughter of Elysium, Drunk with fire now we enter, Heavenly one, your holy shrine. Your magic powers join again What fashion strictly did divide; Brotherhood unites all men Where your gentle wing's spread wide.
Wem der grosse Wurf gelungen, Eines Freundes Freund zu sein, Wer ein holdes Weib errungen, Mische seine Jubel ein! Ja - wer auch nur eine Seele Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund! Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!	The man who's been so fortunate To become the friend of a friend, The man who has won a fair woman - To the rejoicing let him add his voice. The man who calls but a single soul Somewhere in the world his own! And he who never managed this - Let him steal forth from our throng!
Freude trinken alle Wesen An den Bruesten der Natur, Alle Guten, alle Boesen Folgen ihre Rosenspur. Kuesse gab sie uns und Reben, Einen Freund, geprueft im Tod, Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben, Und der Cherub steht vor Gott.	Joy is drunk by every creature From Nature's fair and charming breast; Every being, good or evil, Follows in her rosy steps. Kisses she gave to us, and vines, And one good friend, tried in death; The serpent she endowed with base desire And the cherub stands before God.
Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen Durch das Himmels praecht'gen Plan, Laufet, Brueder, eure Bahn, Freudig wie ein Held zum Siegen.	Gladly as His suns do fly Through the heavens' splendid plan, Run now, brothers, your own course, Joyful like a conquering hero
Seid umschlungen, Millionen! Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt! Brueder - ueberm Sternenzelt Muss ein lieber Vater wohnen.	Embrace each other now, you millions! The kiss is for the whole wide world! Brothers - over the starry firmament A beloved Father must surely dwell.
Ihr stuerzt nieder, Millionen? Ahnest du den Schoepfer, Welt? Such ihn ueberm Sternenzelt, Ueber Sternen muss er wohnen.	Do you come crashing down, you millions? Do you sense the Creators presence, world? Seek Him above the starry firmament, For above the stars he surely dwells.

Click here for the music of Beethoven's Choral Symphony (9th) ,
which by the way is also the antheme of the European Union.

Walk

A walk does wonders to a troubled mind. I've been doing that a lot recently, around the time when the sun is about to set, but not quite yet. It's 'late', so not many people are around, except the occasional dog-walkers. And the forest is so peaceful at that time.

As I walked, fallen petals flew around me as the movement of my feet created invisible currents that lifted and played with them like they were kites. I sat down beside this little creek, and just stared at the reflection on the surface of the water. It was so calm that the reflections of the trees, sky, leaves and all retained their natural colours and were impossible to tell apart from real things. All these birds sang around me, and somewhere a bee hummed. I wasn't alone.

But then things started to cross my mind. And perhaps I've been trying not to let it get to me, but it is getting to me. It's been over a year since I last worked, and two years since I last studied…and three years since I last had someone in my life I really wanted to be with. Depressing, isn't it? I looked around me, and there was nothing, noone I could turn to. Sure, it was beautiful, it was calm and peaceful, but with noone to share with, who can share my thoughts, and share what I see and feel?

Here I am, a tween who's supposed to be in the 'prime' of his life, yet I feel like I've outgrown my usefulness, and not lived or loved like people my age. What happened to fun, letting go of yourself, and living life on the wild side? I've never really tasted that. I guess I have the looks and brains to go out and get what I want, or perhaps whoever I want…but there's some strange and terrifying self inside that keeps on pulling me back and restraining me. This self that lacks confidence and the will to do it.

I seriously need to reorganise my life and take control instead of just passively let life take control of me. Should go out and meet people, overcome my fears and barriers of socialising and making new friends. Problem is I've been telling myself this for years, and I'm still the way I was before.

And it's scary if you think about it, and scarier if you think about it more. That in this great big world you are alone. Even if there are many people around you, you still are alone.

At least I feel I am.

Gay teens and sex

Just came across an interesting research about gay teens and sex.
This is sort of related to the whole issue of paedophilia, and the 'taboo' surrounding sexual abuse.

The basic argument of this survey is:

contrary to popular belief ( based on the feminist idea) that inter-generational sexual epxeriences can only be traumatic for the younger person, with homosexual/bisexual boys/teen that does not seem to be the case.

Instead of there being a perpetrator and vicitim (in sexual abuse, where one asserts a position of dominance over the submissive party),
with homo-bi boys/teens the exploration and discovery of their sexual identities may even be helped by their sexual experience with men older than them.

Why may this be the case? Because boys/men are more able to separate the emotional from the sexual part of the experience, with as many as 70% of the boys/teens saying the experience was positive or neutral.

Given the estimated 14 percent of college males and 27 percent of college females who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, one might welcome the finding that these youngsters were not impaired for life and can enjoy normal psychological adjustment. However, at the recommendation of the journal editors, the authors drew additional conclusions. Noting that the term "abuse" implies that harm is inflicted, the authors argued that classifying behavior as "abuse" merely because it is considered illegal or immoral, even in the absence of harm, is not scientifically valid. To so label it also conflates instances in which the sexual experience inflicts harm with those instances in which it does not, thereby complicating the task of determining what characteristics of the experience produce psychological harm. Moreover, they note, in many, and perhaps most, cases of sexual activity between an adult and a minor, there is no physical or emotional harm to the child.
(Source: PEDOPHILIA AND THE CULTURE WARS)

IMHO (In my humble opinion)
Sex is something intimate and should be so, based on utmost trust and mutual consent. That is the point of departure... and whether an experience is labeled "sex" or "abuse", that is for the parties involved to decide. But in deciding there must be a certain degree of knowledge and awareness of what is involved, and that degree should be balanced between the parties. Age, or whether someone is a 'teen' or 'man', is under these conditions irrelevant.

Of course, the American Congress was not too pleased about what it viewed as "public policy or legislative attempts to normalize adult-child sex or to lower the age of consent".
They must have been furious upon hearing the establishment of the NVD!

Provocative? No, but boys will be boys.


Rant alarm: heavy stuff!

My (humble) opinion?
I can't say whether the finds are true or not. I can only say from that sex in my personal experience was confusing at a young age (5? 6? possibly younger? Don't/can't recall).
I didn't find it positive or negative, perhaps because I didn't understand what it was and what it really meant. It was only later when I reached puberty that I started realising what I had undergone and forced to receive (not give, but always receive), and it was then that the real trauma started, and still continues.

The worst effect is the lingering effect of guilt...perhaps coming partly from the fact that it was all so physical and intimate, and yet somehow 'exciting', like a game. And it was a game, but one based on an unequal balance of power and authority, based on submission and defeat from the very start. This I could only know later on, and that was/is a terrible realisation that robs you of your own sense of esteem and humanity.

Gay left

Did the Left 'normalise' homosexuality?
It was the 'left'--among them feminists, critical theorists, socialists and others-- that challenged the idea that core family values preserved the stability and roots of progressive society. In their opinion, marriage and family as an instiution maintained the status quo of male dominance and authority, which in turn supressed other (minority) groups and communities that did not conform to the 'norm'.

The Left's successes in legitimizing homosexuality set the pattern for subsequent attacks on the traditional family over the next quarter century, and it is therefore worthwhile to examine the logic at play. First, a traditional societal structure (e.g., the heterosexual family) is found defective because it is sexist, homophobic, racist, or in some way oppressive to a group favored by the Left, and an alternative (e.g., the homosexual family) is proposed. This alternative is touted as not only more just and equitable but also as beneficial, or at least not harmful, to society.

And the best the right/neo-cons/bible-huggers (think current US administration)
can come up with is that homosexuality (or for that matter equal rights, privileges etc) is "immoral", "unnatural", contrary to the "Divine Plan".


Fascinating! As a left-leaning liberal, I'm quiet happy to know (yet again!) that my political and cultural persuasions formed in the SOASian years have not been in vain : )

Gay teens and sex

Just came across an interesting research about gay teens and sex.
This is sort of related to the whole issue of paedophilia, and the 'taboo' surrounding sexual abuse.

The basic argument of this survey is:

contrary to popular belief ( based on the feminist idea) that inter-generational sexual epxeriences can only be traumatic for the younger person, with homosexual/bisexual boys/teen that does not seem to be the case.

Instead of there being a perpetrator and vicitim (in sexual abuse, where one asserts a position of dominance over the submissive party),
with homo-bi boys/teens the exploration and discovery of their sexual identities may even be helped by their sexual experience with men older than them.

Why may this be the case? Because boys/men are more able to separate the emotional from the sexual part of the experience, with as many as 70% of the boys/teens saying the experience was positive or neutral.

Given the estimated 14 percent of college males and 27 percent of college females who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, one might welcome the finding that these youngsters were not impaired for life and can enjoy normal psychological adjustment. However, at the recommendation of the journal editors, the authors drew additional conclusions. Noting that the term "abuse" implies that harm is inflicted, the authors argued that classifying behavior as "abuse" merely because it is considered illegal or immoral, even in the absence of harm, is not scientifically valid. To so label it also conflates instances in which the sexual experience inflicts harm with those instances in which it does not, thereby complicating the task of determining what characteristics of the experience produce psychological harm. Moreover, they note, in many, and perhaps most, cases of sexual activity between an adult and a minor, there is no physical or emotional harm to the child.
(Source: PEDOPHILIA AND THE CULTURE WARS)

IMHO (In my humble opinion)
Sex is something intimate and should be so, based on utmost trust and mutual consent. That is the point of departure... and whether an experience is labeled "sex" or "abuse", that is for the parties involved to decide. But in deciding there must be a certain degree of knowledge and awareness of what is involved, and that degree should be balanced between the parties. Age, or whether someone is a 'teen' or 'man', is under these conditions irrelevant.

Of course, the American Congress was not too pleased about what it viewed as "public policy or legislative attempts to normalize adult-child sex or to lower the age of consent".
They must have been furious upon hearing the establishment of the NVD!

Provocative? No, but boys will be boys.


Rant alarm: heavy stuff!

My (humble) opinion?
I can't say whether the finds are true or not. I can only say from that sex in my personal experience was confusing at a young age (5? 6? possibly younger? Don't/can't recall).
I didn't find it positive or negative, perhaps because I didn't understand what it was and what it really meant. It was only later when I reached puberty that I started realising what I had undergone and forced to receive (not give, but always receive), and it was then that the real trauma started, and still continues.

The worst effect is the lingering effect of guilt...perhaps coming partly from the fact that it was all so physical and intimate, and yet somehow 'exciting', like a game. And it was a game, but one based on an unequal balance of power and authority, based on submission and defeat from the very start. This I could only know later on, and that was/is a terrible realisation that robs you of your own sense of esteem and humanity.

Gay Dutch diplomat chased out of country

If you thought diplomats have immunity, think again!

The Dutch ambassador to Estonia has resigned from his post because he and his married partner, a black Cuban, have been repeatedly exposed to homophobia and racism.

Hans Glaubitz, the openly gay abassador, said:

"Society is long not yet [receptive] of two men, especially not when one of them is black"

A magazine in Estonia published an article last year , calling the appointment of a gay ambassador "a Dutch provocation".
>>>>Well, sincere apologies if your EU neighbour is too liberal for you! Perhaps the people should have thought about that BEFORE they joined the Union.

According to COC, the leader of the conservative party in Estonia called for a ban on
"anal sex between men and the public expression of homosexuality like holding hands on the streets and kissing each other". According to him " homosexuals have begun a campaign again normal families and the fundamental and values of a civilised society" and that homosexuals are out to make people "accept [something] that is simply unacceptable".

I hope the European Parliament will take this matter seriously...we're talking about an international incident here, and open discrimination by a country that joined the EU on the basis of respect for human rights and a ban on discrimination of all kinds.

And you call yourselves "civilised"! Ha!

The word GAY takes on new meaning

The BBC Board of Governors hasjust decided that 'gay' also means 'rubbish' or 'lame'. This is apparently "simply keeping up with developments in English usage".

Thanks to the BBC, we can be grateful UK taxpayers are helping to clear up the confusion...

Here are some interesting facts behind the word 'gay':

HOW BRIGHT BECAME DULL

Believed to derive from Old French “gai”, the Latin “gaius” or a Germanic source. Originally meant “carefree”, “happy” or “bright and showy”

From late 17th century acquired sexual connotation of “uninhibited by moral constraints”

Gertrude Stein’s Miss Furr & Miss Skeene (1922) cited as first published reference to ambiguous sexuality

Noel Coward pens tribute to dandies of the “gay Nineties” wearing green carnations in 1929 musical Bitter Sweet

Used to describe foppish dress code, unattached men or bachelors until adopted by homosexuals themselves in 1960s

Originally used as an adjective (“he is gay”), the word is adopted as singular noun (“I am the only gay in the village”)

Children and students use gay as shorthand for “rubbish” during 1990s

Bloggers substitute “gay” for “boring” or “dull”, reversing original meaning

They did teach us to read 'beyonf' the words at school.

Loving you, loving me Ch6: Only time

I had actually put the lyrics and a link to the music video in the latest installment of Loving you, loving me, but I guess it got removed. For people who are interested in this great song, go here.

Music by: Eithne Ni Bhraonain (Enya)

Lyrics by: Roma Ryan

Copyright 2000 Warner Music International

Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
- only time
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
- only time

Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
- only time
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
- only time

Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart

Night keeps all your heart

Who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
- only time
And who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
- only time

Who knows - only time
Who knows - only time

And the best movie kiss goes to...

Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger, in "Brokeback Mountain"!

Yes, the MTV Movie Awards describes it as:

"Whether gay, straight or somewhere in between, hearts melted worldwide at this fateful liplock".

Jake also won best actor!

Dalai Lama criticizes homosexuality (again)

Sometime ago he was harsh in an interview in his views on homosexuality:

"A gay couple came to see me, seeking my support and blessing. I had to explain our teachings. Another lady introduced another woman as her wife - astonishing. It is the same with a husband and wife using certain sexual practices. Using the other two holes is wrong."

"A Western friend asked me what harm could there be between consenting adults having oral sex, if they enjoyed it," the Dalai Lama continues, warming to his theme. "But the purpose of sex is reproduction, according to Buddhism. The other holes don't create life. I don't mind - but I can't condone this way of life."

To be fair, he did say he doesn’t mind homosexuality, only that he can’t condone it. That’s not the same as the Catholic or Muslim view that homosexuals will burn in hell. Pfffeeeew.

In his recent trip to Belgium he repeated his comments again, this time more graphically.

“[…] Desires and attachment can be an obstacle for our spirituality. We should be wary of that.

[…]

All forms of sexuality are viewed by monks and nuns as undesired behaviour. (Points to his mouth) The use of the mouth falls under that too,. (Points to his behind) just as is ‘using your other hole’”.
[…]

The purpose of sex is reproduction. This (points to his mouth again) has nothing to do with reproduction, right?!”

But what about if something is done out of mutual consent and respect ? That—mutual love and respect for others and behaving in such a way that others and yourself are not harmed— is the fundamental idea behind Buddhism, right?

“To me everything is allowed, as long as it happens with mutual resepect. Than there is no problem if men do it with men, women do it with women, or if you do it here (points to his mouth) or here (points to his behind)"

Setting "Loving you, loving me" Ch6

(Rpls: 5 juni 2006)

OK, to add to the 'special' effects of the story, here are some pictures for you to picture where this is all happening. I know it's supposed to be winter where they are, but just use your imagination.

...as he took a soft turn and rolled onto a bike path that led into the green.
We rocked a little as we rode over some bumps on the road, but still managed to
keep on going.

We were speeding quickly in a tunnel made out of trees, bushes and shrubs...

Though there were no leaves, the branches that stretched like countless arms
from the trunk offered some sort of shelter. The surrounding area was full of
giant oaks, each stretching tens of metres into the sky, and each had their
countless arms outstretched embracing the open space...

We circled and jumped around the great big old oak tree, as if we were
performing some kind of ritual dance...

...a little creek, one that was usually tranquil and a smooth mirror.

They are for real

Last week I wrote about the NVD Party, founded by paedophiles in support of causes to lower restrictions on paedophilia.

A follow up:
Just reading the discussion in the forum, and someone made a point that is worth noting.
Basically the argument is that among paedophiles ('child-lover' if you break the word down) there are two types:

1) child-lover: one who is attracted to children, who would never do anything that the child does not want and shall not force children to do anything. They listen to the child, and to what he/she does not want and respect this.

2) child-abuser/molester: one who sexually abuses a child to satisfy his/her needs.

Most of the media coverage and public opinion focus on the latter, and lump paedophiles together as one and the same, giving the former group of people a stigma and bad name. There are people who are sexually attracted to children, yes, but they also know the limits of this attracttion and would not do anything to jeopardise the trust and safety of the child.

And then there's the issue of where paedofilia comes from. It is suggested by a member that it is in the genes; that you don't choose to be a paedophile, just as you don't choose to be gay/lesbian/heterosexual etc. Is that the case really?

Perhaps there is more to the story than meets the eye, if only people will open up to different opinions.