Gratitude

There are people you meet in life that unknowingly and unexpectedly bring great changes and surprises to you life. They are people you always feel a connection toward, feel a great deal of gratitude toward, however long time passes.

This week, one such person in my life came to visit, partly to attend the conference I've been helping out at. I invited her to dinner at my place, and showed her how much of a positive influence she has been in my life.

Over the two day conference, we would occasional meet in the corridors, and talk about how we used to work together, reminisce those crazy days staying late at the office in the run-up to the event we were organising together. She began as my boss, and soon became like an older sister, who guided me, gave me advice and inspiration, and helped me obtain opportunities that I otherwise would never have realised or known existed. In difficult times, when I lost my dad, she was there to support me, emotionally and also in my work while I was on leave. Even now, when I mention her, I am filled with such gratitude and praise for all that she has done to help me transition into a new phase of my life here in Canada.


Last night, at an alumni dinner, as professors spoke about how the institute is like a family, I really felt I was so lucky to be in that room, all thanks to my friend and mentor. As the evening ended, I went up to her and toasted her.

"Thank you for everything you've done to change my life," I said, as I lifted up my half full glass of wine. She looked visibly touched, and gave a a pat on the shoulder as she said she is proud of me. Proud of me, even though deep down I feel like I've not really achieved much academically or professionally in the past two years or so. Proud of me, because life does not always need to be measured in the number of articles you can publish, the number of books you've read or number of speeches you have given.

"I believe in you", she said, "I'm waiting for you to write something one day", alluding to the fact that she has for a long time been admiring my writings, and hopes that one day I could write something and be published. As she left, she gave me a book, Girl in Translation, written by a friend of hers, which I immediately began reading, and liking.

Yes, there are people you meet in life who so unexpectedly bring into life great changes, who believe in you and fill you with ambition and hope. And my friend and mentor  is one of these people I am often so grateful toward and humbled in having the great fortune of meeting.

happy birthday!

Mum sounded cheerful when I called her. Though I was I. A daze still, after having slept late helping to organise a conference, it completely escaped me what day it was until she said "Oh you must have called to wish me happy birthday!"

And wish her happy birthday I did. A few days ago she already received my birthday card and gifts. I had nothing more to add than wish her happiness and good health, a life free of worry an free of pain. Mum said a number of people called her, including my brother and my sister in law , as well as friends and oddly enough her real estate agent ( who actually went to the trouble of buying her a lovely cake!)

It's been a difficult time for her, and in Taiwan the 59th year is often seen as a unsettling one, a kind of obstacle just before reaching the great age of 60, which symbolises a complete cycle in life. ( as they say life begins at 60)...

She said she went to the hospital yesterday and made a plaster mould of her head and neck in preparation for a long 12 session radiotherapy she intends to undergo. "the doctor said it'll keep the tumour in the spine under control and shrink it somewhat." the hope is that she will have less aches and sores and be less dependent on painkillers, which over the last two months she has gradually needed to increase the dosage and frequency of intake. "Hopefully by the end of it all, I'll be ok to travel to see you".

Yes, I wish her happiness, good health, and that she can again travel the world which
she so much enjoys doing, more than anything else....

What is important

Mum kept on telling me to go to bed, as it was way past midnight. She likes to scold me when I go to sleep after midnight, because growing up she has told me countless times that the body, or at least certain organs, need complete rest between eleven at night and two in the morning.

But I felt like talking to her, and it has been a good while since I last spoke for more than half an hour with her. Perhaps I felt like talking to her, listening to her thoughts and what she has been up to, because earlier in the evening a dear friend, whom I have not met for a while, came over for dinner. We caught up and exchanged notes on life and its counterpart, death. She and I have both lost people dear in our lives in recent years, and in that loss is a bond of humanity we share. A sense of humanity in remembering people who touched us once, and still touch us when we think of them... a sense of humanity in longing, in mourning, in overcoming pain with the recognition that life goes on, life must go on, even after someone is gone. It is a rare sense of humanity that makes us human, makes us know and appreciate that in this great big world there are others who share your pain, share your loss, and who are not afraid to reach out to comfort you in times of need.

"What is important in life...?" mum said at one point in the conversation. More a rhetorical question than anything else, for really, at the end of the day, what is more important in life when it is so fragile, so short? The more I encounter troubles people make, noises people brew, conflicts and hatred people foster, the more I feel like detaching myself from it all.

What is important in life...  beyond the titles, the signs of material wealth, the  sense of self-importance and sense of self-righteousness we are so vulnerable and susceptible to illness and death that can wipe everything away.

In no way is it thinking or being nihilistic or suggesting that there is no purpose in life. But sometimes it helps to stop, to shut out the world around you, and reflect on what is really important in life....

Sutty

She lay quietly in her metal cage, and was disinterested by all the noise and people around her, just as all the people and noise seemed to be disinterested in her. I spotted her, and knew almost immediately it was her. A shiny, smooth black coat, little white paws, big, innocent looking eyes that somehow elicited my pity ever since I first laid eyes on her and her sad life story on her online profile. Out of all the cats available that day for adoption, I chose her, and she came home with me, perhaps reluctantly, that afternoon. And ever since we have been together.

Two years it already has been... Those first nights Sutty (then known as Panda) would cry, as if homesick, and she would often hide or move away when I approach her. Today, she struts around as if she were queen of the household, head held high, relaxed and quietly monitoring everything that goes on.

I don't know what she is thinking when she sits by the window and watches the world go by... I don't know whether she feels confined or trapped in ( as someone put it) a "golden jail" being the resident cat in her new home. But I do know and am forever appreciative of the joy and warmth she has brought to my life.

The way she jumps up and down when we play together, the way she naughtily paws tomatoes and oranges I accidentally drop on the floor, the way she drinks water with her paws, the way she walks around my pillow before I fall asleep everynight... Little actions, little purrs that make me feel loved and wanted.

At times, I left her alone for weeks or months at a time... But not a day goes by when I do not think of her little head butts, little paws, and little crazy dashes around the apartment. And patiently she waits for me at home, to welcome me home faithfully and lovingly however long I have been away.

She is a special cat, full of mischief, full of life, full of character. And she, my little sweetheart, is my little black and white cat.