Alles goed?

I stood on the edge, where the land met the sea.
Or where the sea met the land.
It didn't matter.

I could feel the waves, the way they hushedly caressed the shore, shattering into clouds of white confusion on the rocks. The sky was dark, dark blue, and red on the horizon where the sky and sea were sown together. Thoughts of the day were silenced by the sounds of the sea, and a weight lifted as I sighed.

I admired the tides, the way they spread like sheets of transparent glass, and wondered about the long, long way they had traveled to crash and break at my feet. A day was dying, and another was being born. I turned my back against the world, and its mumbled noises and troubles in the distance. There was a gentle breeze, and I listened as if it was trying to say something in my ears. Seagulls shrieked as they played catch on the surface of the sea.

Suddenly there was a flash of light my way. At first I thought it was the lighthouse in the distance, but it became brighter and brighter, and seem to be moving closer and closer I turned to see a white jeep head my way. Disturbed by the sudden intrusion into my temporary world of peace and fantasy, I shifted my feet a little. I stared out to sea again, hoping it would all go away.

The car pulled up next to me and stopped. The engine roared and shuddered the ground I stood on. I turned my back on it, still hoping it would all go away. Then the person honked, and made me turn.

"Alles goed?" Only then did I realise it was the police.

"... Yeah," I said.

As if he didn't seem convinced, he asked again, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, fine. I don't have any tendencies..." If that's what you mean. Life's too beautiful... the world's too beautiful to do anything rash. "Just watching the sea..."

He nodded, but didn't leave immediately. I turned to the sea again, to the open sea that didn't judge me, that didn't intimidate me or intrude into what I was doing and why I was doing it.
But I could still feel the policeman watching, watching and watching.

I heard the jeep slowly pull away, as the unwanted spotlight on me slowly faded. And as if nothing had happened, there was just a boy, a darkening sky, and the broad, broad sea.

Summer's eve

Maybe it's strange.
Maybe I'm strange.

Had a whole evening of barbeque at a friend's place. There were lots of my classmates there, some of whom I've not seen for almost two months. I guess it was nice to get together, have a good laugh, drink some wine and gulp down chocolates together. But then I don't usually function too well in big groups, so sometimes I was just sitting there and smiling.

It's not that the time together was 'bad'... just I sometimes get lost in big groups, and I don't really know which conversation I should be following. I still had a few laughs, at some jokes and stunts that the more extroverted people pulled.

So I got back to the city I live after an hour of train ride. It was almost one, and I jumped on my bike ready to go home. But as soon as I got on the bike I felt like I could go places.... felt like I needed to go places.

Tonight's one of those calm, still summer eve's. The air is so still you could get sweaty just standing there. And how clear the sky is, with so many stars.

"The beach... that's where I'd go", I thought to myself. And with the fading effects of the white wine I cycled towards the beach. I felt hot, and energetic, like a rush was running through my veins, as I sped towards the sea.

And the waves were so calm tonight... sliding onto the shore as if they were almost shy. The sky was so dark, and there were so many stars. I wandered around a bit all by myself, enjoying the silence and loneliness, thinking to myself how different it was from just a few hours ago. All that conversation, all those people, all the socialising makes you tired sometimes.

I wandered a bit longer, with just the starry sky, empty beach and the shy waves.

"You dating now ladies now?"

Was working at my little office today, and I took a little nap on the floor at around 6ish... At first I thought the alarm I had set went off, but it was the ringtone to my phone when someone calls. I sleepily answered, and it was a cheerful voice, one I hadn't heard for a number of years.

Turns out a friend from high school is in town, and called to ask when to meet. Last week there was a little reunion with some other people, but I couldn't go, and I simply left a message on his Facebook profile saying that I was going out with some girls.

Not sure if it was a joke, but on the phone today one of the first things he said was:
"So you started to go out with girls now?"

It was the funniest sentence I heard in a while. I laughed out loud, inside thinking I've never gone out with a girl before, and even if I have, it's not that kind of 'going out'. "No, no... just girlfriends. I have some girlfriends!"

"Lucky", he said, a little jealous .

Yes, how lucky I am... to have so many girlfriends and have such a great time together with them, to talk and share, to take walks on the beach, to chat on the phone with. If only they were a boy...

Reading and writing

Reading and writing... reading and writing... seems to be all I'm doing nowadays...

In a way I'm glad I'm getting into the rhythm of working on my thesis, especially after almost one whole month of not working on it. But then I'm starting to feel the pressure too, since the deadline is really approaching fast if I want to graduate in August. It's getting to the point I'm even dreaming of thesis when I sleep... can't remember about what exactly, but I'm pretty sure it's on my mind when I lie in bed.

To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'm going in the right direction at all, and not even sure if I'll be able to produce something coherent and original, but I'm just reading and writing... reading and writing...

Somebody give me some encouragement...!