AAAAAAHHH!!

Gat-verdomme!

Rant alarm: it's bad!

This computer hates me! Was just surfing the web, listening to music and typing last night, and all of a sudden I got the BLUE SCREEN of DEATH!

For some reason my computer crashed, and whenever you restart it crashes again and again.
It didn't recognise my C drive for some reason, and all the documents (ALL!!!!) were erashed clean.

Thank goodness I have some files I backed up in early May, but that still means a lot of things I wrote or pictures I took since then were lost. Including the latest three chapters of Loving you, loving me : ( So if anyone's waiting for that, it may take a few days until the next installment is up.

It was funny...I went to bed last night feeling really frustrated, especially about the lost files. And I dreamt that I could miraculously enter my computer and retrieve those chapters I had written up. Seemed so real, the dream!!!

Jihad-blogger sentenced

Being gay in the Netherlands has just gotten a little safer.

A nut case. ErTaN, a Muslim blogger also known as the ‘jihad-blogger’, has just been sentenced by the Public Prosecutor to 180hours of community service for inciting hatred and violence.

[...]There are two reasons why he was sentenced, for the first you can go to my main blog.

The other reason for his sentence was his incitement of hatred and violence towards homosexuals, and a pro-gay rights politician. In one he wrote:

”As soon as the Islamic law is effective in the Netherlands I shall be the first to push every protesting gay, with head down, off of the Westertoren [church in Amsterdam, close to the Homo-monument]. The Parliamentarian Borris D.[Dietrich] of D66 makes thereby a good chance to be allowed first. The stoning thereafter I shall gladly leave to others, because I shall have to concentrate on the suitable conclusion of this festive event, namely the blowing up of the Homo-monument, completely just like the Buddha-statutes in Afghanistan.”

Shocking, isn't it, what this stupid bigot is saying? In another about the Gay Pride of 2005, he called upon other Muslims to make it “an explosive party”. Thank goodness nothing happened during the parade.

This, in ErTaN’s defence, is supposed to be “humour” and part of his freedom of expression. COC, the biggest holebi organization in the Netherlands, says this sentence sends a “clear social signal” that “direct threats and incitement to violence and discrimination of homosexuals—as individuals and as a group—is punishable”.

This guy even had an anti-gay website (mohootjes.blogspot.com, for screenshot), with an excerpt out the Sunnah in the introduction:

"If you find any persons engaged in homosexuality, kill both the active and the passive partner."

The site has been taken offline because of hundreds of complaints, and his inflammatory comments even started a debate in Parliament.

Way to go~

Who's googling for sex?

I wrote about this sometime ago, but an article in the International Herdal Tribune and this blog confirmed this again.

"In Pakistani society, sex is a taboo," said Fatima Idrees, a project manager at the Pakistani affiliate of the Gallup International polling agency, adding that "curiosity and availability of the Internet may cause such behavior."

Even though homosexuality is punishable by death in Saudi Arabia, the kingdom ranks No. 2 for searches for "gay sex," behind the Philippines.

"In Pakistani society, sex is a taboo," said Fatima Idrees, a project manager at the Pakistani affiliate of the Gallup International polling agency, adding that "curiosity and availability of the Internet may cause such behavior."

A sun is born

A sun was born yesterday, weighing 3700grams.

He greeted the world with such an air of calm and peace, and seemed to take away all the doubts and anxieties around him. This is the moment so many have been waiting for, praying for.

May you grow up as an individual, free and happy.
May you see the world with open eyes and embrace it in your arms.
May you cherish the ones around you who have been there and will continue to nurture and love you.
May you love and be loved in return.

There will be times when you will face difficulties in the path you travel,
May you overcome them with an open mind.
There will be times when you will face sadness and tears,
May you realise that they like all else are impermanent.
May you live a life of happiness, health and peace,
And may you forever shine and bring light to others and to yourself.

Welcome to the world, Sunny.

Feeling good~

Rant alarm: yellow

Situation: you agreed to meet someone. But on the day you agree to meet he's still not called you yet. When should you call someone but not seem like you're desperate?

Just as I was wondering whether my friend would call to meet tonight, the phone rang. Hm, be there in an hour he said.

Quickly I tidied up the paintjob I was doing, jumped into the shower and got dressed. I looked good, I felt good, and it's really been a long long time since I last felt so good. Then again it's been a long long time since I last 'went out' with someone. I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw...and that isn't often. Put on a fancy shirt with thin green vertical lines (look smart in it a friend said), pair of jeans...did my newly-cut hair a bit with gel, and out I went. Just as I stepped out the door I remembered: I forgot perhaps the most important thing! Parfume! (not that I'd smell without it) Quickly I rushed back up and sprayed some Aqua di Gio. It felt kind of weird I went through all this trouble since it wasn't a date or anything like that; just meeting up with a friend I've not seen for over a year. But it felt like it was a 'date'....I used to have the biggest crush on him, and I guess the effects are still lingering. I looked gorgeous, felt light and flighty, and smelled luscious I could take a bite out of myself. Out I went, peddling and panting, my usual selection of feel-good music in my ears, towards the city.

Stood waiting at the cinema for Him, and He showed up. He wasn't alone, which was sort of a surprise, and shame too. There was a girl (aaaah girl!), a classmate of ours I haven't seen in over 5 years. They happened to meet on the streets and she decided to join us for a while. Felt kind of awkward, since I've never been good in situations involving more than a tete-a-tete (one-to-one). For some time we wondered around the shops and sat down for a bite to eat, the three of us, but it seemed like the girl was hogging the conversation, and all the attention. It's not that she's not nice or unfriendly, just I thought this was going to be my evening with Him (no, not God, but the friend).

Thank goodness she left just as we were about to go into the cinema. And for the rest of the evening it was just Him and I. Yeah!
X-men III we watched....ah, a little disappointed since the previous two were awesome. This one seemed to be in such a rush to tie the loose ends and end the story that lots of bits were either soooo cheesy or corny. And the plot doesn't exactly follow the comics either. Perhaps the uber-use of special effects and the looks and bods of Iceman and Angel kept me from feeling bored through most of it.

After the movie we went for drinks. Sat in the open cause the sun was out (finally, after a week of rain and wind), but it was freeeeezing. We talked like I never left, about this and that. A lot about what I did in the past year (travel, travel, travel), and about interesting things that have been happening. We have this way of mocking each other, we play 'word games', and poke fun at each other. Then there's what I call 'philosophising'....about the meaning of life, existence, what it means to be free, whether 'democracy' is really as free as it claims to be (no!) etc etc. Dorky it might all sound, but to us it's all fun and took our friendship eight years down the road.

I feel so free whenever I'm around him, like I could say anything, make jokes, and not feel constrained in any way at all. It's rare that I feel that way around anyone, very rare. And when I walk around with him I feel kind of 'proud'. It's a strange feeling really, not sure if anyone has this as well. Just walking around with this sweet and cute guy makes me feel confident and proud. Of course he's not my boy-friend, but he could be mistaken to be just that. Even that girl who hung out with us at the beginning commented that He and I "bicker like ladies" (and she wasn't the first to say that). Which is true probably...we tend to fuss about this and that the way girls do when they're unsure what to do or eat or where to go. I noticed a lot of people looking our direction, perhaps looking at the way He and I were joking and talking, and perhaps thinking "Now there's a happy couple"... could be all in my head, but there's a strange and uplifting feel to it all.

We walked around and got another bite to eat (we tweens (twenty-teens) are constantly hungry), then ended up in an Irish pub with great pop music. Had a couple of pints of Guinness, couple of vodka colas and ended up pretty tipsy in the end. (If you're thinking there's drunken sex coming up, forget it). Talked some more, and this time serious stuff. Somehow we ended up talking about family life and he shared with me something he never told anyone before (which I won't go into). I felt 'honoured' that he confided in me. I guess I've always had a way with people, and they tend to feel at ease telling me the deeper (sometimes darker) sides of life. (I was in fact elected class therapist once.) We were there for hours and just sat, listened to each other, while a candle burnt next to us. The pale flame cast a dim light and light shadows on his face, his lips, his dimples... his blue eyes expanded in the semi-darkness, his dirty-blond hair hung across his forehead...

Before you know it it was time to go. He had to go back to another city where he lives, so we parted. And I cycled home. The alochol had by then worn off, but the sense happiness and warmth inside of me did not.

"The top 10 unintentionally gay moments"

Haha, this is really funy! : P

No suprise The Lord of the Rings won first place...always thought there was something going on between those Hobbits.

More dreams

Rant alarm: so-so

Woke up just now, and had a terrible night of nightmares.
You know there are times when you are 'sleeping', but you are also conscious at the same time. You try to open your eyes, but somehow you can't. You try to stop sleeping, but you continue to lie there exhausted. That was how it was.

Somtimes I get this kind of 'dream-after-dream' experience. One dream continues onto another, even though they may have nothing in common at all.

So last night:
1

"I'm sitting in an open carriage train, perhaps somewhere in India (where I've never been). The carriage is rusty and old, and strangely there is this woman next to me...I believe it is maybe my mum. Then the carriage starts to move, even though there is no engine pulling us. The engine is travelling on a parellel tracks and starts to disappear into the distance as it speeds up. The carriage continues to move, but in the distance I can see the tracks come to a sudden end. At the end a fire is raging, really a big fire like you see after an oil pipe has been blown up. The carriage does not stop and hurtles into the fire and crashes. Everything around me goes up in flames. I look at the woman next to me and her face is charred..."

2 "Sitting in an exam room. German exam in writing. I somehow feel very confident and in no time I finish the whole paper... A couple of days later the teacher comes with the results. I can see my high school class mates sitting around. All of them get high grades, even those who do poorly usually. Then it is my turn.
'D+' the teacher says with a sigh 'we need to talk later' she says."
After this dream I remember trying to wake up and felt very uncomfortable and distraught as if it was real! In my mind I was wondering whether I needed to do a
resit.


3 "I'm in a place I don't know where. And I start to throw up....just throw up continuously. I don't know what is happening or why I feel so sick, but just throw up."

There were more, but I can't remember them any more. Feel so tired, as if I never slept...but got lots of things to do today : /

And it's sooooo cold outside, only around 10C, and it's June almost!

Are they for real?

If they had their way, the party for Naastenliefde, Vrijheid en Diversiteit ( NVD, Brotherly love, Freedom and Diversity) would lower the age of consent to 12 and permit child pornography.

Go to my main blog for details

Another way Holland is breaking taboos and barriers...

"I'm not a celebrity, get me out of here" anyway!

Rant alarm: Critical

Ongeloofelijke schoft!

This is getting ridiculous. Perhaps for the third time this week already shouting and screaming. There was some banging too, which just makes you wonder what is going on in that room of theirs (brother and girlfriend).

And it's becoming extremely uncomfortable, almost unbearable living here.
When it was happening just now, my first thought was: I need to get out of here!
I really need to...get a room somewhere or something. Maybe not as comfortable and luxurious as this place, but at least I can live freely and be free from expose to bad attitudes and bad tempers.

And to think I've only just come back here to live for around a month only (discouting that period I was away in France).

Would it be selfish for me to just pack up and leave? With all these things that need to be done at home I'm sort of indispensible. But should do I put other things before my own wellbeing first?

I do not need this, any of this shouting and fighting... not when I'm still trying to recover and trying to forget from the series of traumas I've had thrown at me over the last couple of years.

Waarom moet het zo moeilijk zijn, dit alles?

Strange dream

Rant alarm: mild

Had a really strange dream today...a straight dream!!!

I can't remember the last time I had one of those, must have been eons.
But it was so intense, sexually and physically.

In it I was somewhere (I guess must have been a school or something) with a very good (girl) friend of mine. We've not seen one another for ages! She and I were just talking, and suddenly she came onto me. Started with a kiss, then she pushed my head down to her 'lower regions', and I vividly remember giving her a very thorough oral. And (shock!) I was enjoying it in the dream as well.

All these people around us were watching, but it didn't bother us. And we ended up screwing... she sat on top of me and we hug-screwed for I don't know how long. And I came like I never came before all over her, and she was having such a good time it looked like she was about to faint.

That's when it ended.

Scary............Really scary.

On the phone

Rant alarm: tasteless

Just got off a phone with friend. Who haven't seen each other for a long long time, since I' was away for almost one whole year. It's always fun to talk to him, and to be around him.
I guess I have a crush, ever since we met in high school around 8 years ago. We managed to stay in touch all these years, even though I was away studying in London, and are still close. He's just so sweet and cute, but (shame) not gay...other wise I could imagine something between us.

Yet again, my theory that the 'good guys' are straight is confirmed in this case.

Porn censorship in Tasmania

This is sort of funny.

Tasmania is trying to censor the internet for the likes of child pornography and other harmful content. The system is almost foolproof (so much so that even the Chinese government is impressed). But then:

Other industry experts have already pointed out that Australians of Asian descent with such common names as Bum or Suk might be unable to do online financial transactions that require them to confirm for example, their given names on a credit card.

For the record, my name is Chen.