Now for those of you wondering about the highlight of this chapter-- ie. Napoleon's dick-- wonder no more. Here are some facts that will make your mind... bulge.
I first heard about it from (yes, surprise) my History teacher at high school. She wasn't called Scarybottom, but was just as mean. She used to be an instructor at the Royal Army (UK), so was obsessed with order and discipline.
After some personal investigation, I came on this site which confirmed that unerected it was "2.54cm long -or one inch". Josephine must have been thrilled~
There's also this site for those bent on wanting to know more about Napoleon's dick ....or perhaps they'll be throbbing to read about the fate of the dicks of other tyrants.
27 June 2006
Nightmare in bed!
I’ve been sleeping with a girl the past two weeks. I had to.
The apartment of my mother-friend is so small there’s no where else to sleep except next to her. It’s perhaps bad enough Baby Sunny keeps waking up in the middle of the night crying and hungry, or hitting me with his arms or pulling on my clothes…but the mother isn’t any better.
Her positions in bed (not THAT way) are vulgar to put it mildly. It’s a double bed, but often I’ve had to make do with a little corridor on the edge to avoid being slapped in the face or kicked in the groins. The Spread-Eagle, the Cannon Ball Curl, the Angle Swing, the Writhing Snake…these are postures I’ve been able to identify, even in the dark of the night. And then there’s the twisting and turning, and groans and moans, the teeth grinding, the farting, sleep talking (complaining and whining don’t stop in sleep). I’ve tried not to picture her in bed (THAT way).
But then last night it happened. I had managed to accumulate three hours of sweet, uninterrupted sleep, and suddenly I felt my entire body being embraced. I thought it was a good dream, a flight of fantasy as my mind conjured up images of a beautiful boy and our romantic escapades…but no, it was her! She actually rolled over to my side and hugged me. I was frightened and felt…violated. I know I smell good, I know I have an irresistible body…but I don’t swing that way!!!
I quickly released myself from her girl grip, and hoped that I had inoculated myself before from the cooties. I jumped out of bed, and watched a giant beast roar in rage and flap its claws up and down. Sleep itself has become a nightmare.
Like mother, like son.
The apartment of my mother-friend is so small there’s no where else to sleep except next to her. It’s perhaps bad enough Baby Sunny keeps waking up in the middle of the night crying and hungry, or hitting me with his arms or pulling on my clothes…but the mother isn’t any better.
Her positions in bed (not THAT way) are vulgar to put it mildly. It’s a double bed, but often I’ve had to make do with a little corridor on the edge to avoid being slapped in the face or kicked in the groins. The Spread-Eagle, the Cannon Ball Curl, the Angle Swing, the Writhing Snake…these are postures I’ve been able to identify, even in the dark of the night. And then there’s the twisting and turning, and groans and moans, the teeth grinding, the farting, sleep talking (complaining and whining don’t stop in sleep). I’ve tried not to picture her in bed (THAT way).
But then last night it happened. I had managed to accumulate three hours of sweet, uninterrupted sleep, and suddenly I felt my entire body being embraced. I thought it was a good dream, a flight of fantasy as my mind conjured up images of a beautiful boy and our romantic escapades…but no, it was her! She actually rolled over to my side and hugged me. I was frightened and felt…violated. I know I smell good, I know I have an irresistible body…but I don’t swing that way!!!
I quickly released myself from her girl grip, and hoped that I had inoculated myself before from the cooties. I jumped out of bed, and watched a giant beast roar in rage and flap its claws up and down. Sleep itself has become a nightmare.
Like mother, like son.
25 June 2006
Blown off
Remember the other day I went to dinner with some friends? Well, it went well, and I met a really nice guy there too (our mutual friend had wanted us to meet at the party).
We got talking, and were for most of the evening sitting next and just talking to each other. Who can blame us when the rest of the room were six other girls/ladies? We were 'singled' out...hopefully that word has a double meaning here.
He was a really interesting person, we seem to have similar interests and even did similar studies as well. And of course in the back of my mind I was thinking/asking the inevitable': could he be? I looked at his 'gestures' and movements closely, and some obsevations matched some stereotypes: sometimes his wrist would hang loosely, he had an immaticulate dress style (nicely-ironed shirt and pants), he took care of his face and body well, his laughter had a high pitch...
OK, it's not rocket science confirmations, mere indications. And usually I don't buy into the 'gay stereotype' mumble-jumble. Then as the evening drew to a close, he drove me home, and sort of suggested we go on an outing today.
Of course I was elated for two days, tumbling in bed, imagining the possibilities, dreaming, fantasizing, and all the other things I do best... until this morning. Got an SMS from him saying he's:
"Sorry, but impossible to meet today. Have fever, headache...and throwing up."
I was disappointed, and tried not to think too much of it. It could happen to anyone, and besides he was sniffing a bit at dinner that day too. But then, the more I tried not to think of it, the more I did think of it. What if it was just an excuse? Last time I was here in Strasbourg, he also blew off a plan to go out together, and he did it again. I don't want to be too demanding, especially from someone I just met, and to be honest barely knew...but it seems too conincidental.
Anyways, just very disappointed the whole day, and wondering when or whether we would meet again.
We got talking, and were for most of the evening sitting next and just talking to each other. Who can blame us when the rest of the room were six other girls/ladies? We were 'singled' out...hopefully that word has a double meaning here.
He was a really interesting person, we seem to have similar interests and even did similar studies as well. And of course in the back of my mind I was thinking/asking the inevitable': could he be? I looked at his 'gestures' and movements closely, and some obsevations matched some stereotypes: sometimes his wrist would hang loosely, he had an immaticulate dress style (nicely-ironed shirt and pants), he took care of his face and body well, his laughter had a high pitch...
OK, it's not rocket science confirmations, mere indications. And usually I don't buy into the 'gay stereotype' mumble-jumble. Then as the evening drew to a close, he drove me home, and sort of suggested we go on an outing today.
Of course I was elated for two days, tumbling in bed, imagining the possibilities, dreaming, fantasizing, and all the other things I do best... until this morning. Got an SMS from him saying he's:
"Sorry, but impossible to meet today. Have fever, headache...and throwing up."
I was disappointed, and tried not to think too much of it. It could happen to anyone, and besides he was sniffing a bit at dinner that day too. But then, the more I tried not to think of it, the more I did think of it. What if it was just an excuse? Last time I was here in Strasbourg, he also blew off a plan to go out together, and he did it again. I don't want to be too demanding, especially from someone I just met, and to be honest barely knew...but it seems too conincidental.
Anyways, just very disappointed the whole day, and wondering when or whether we would meet again.
My blog censored !
According to France Telecom's 'Controle Parental' (Parent control) my main blog (Formosa Online) contains sensitive information, and so is therefore censored.
Could it be my discourse on Baby Sunny's behaviour? Or my complaints about Strasbourg being 'bourgeois'? Or my personal and deep confessions?
It's really strange, because THIS very blog contains more sex and other taboos, but is still accessible.
Wonder what the French are up to...
Could it be my discourse on Baby Sunny's behaviour? Or my complaints about Strasbourg being 'bourgeois'? Or my personal and deep confessions?
It's really strange, because THIS very blog contains more sex and other taboos, but is still accessible.
Wonder what the French are up to...
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