After the initial excitement last week, I was disappointed to receive word from my uncle that despite plans to move, they are not moving to Ottawa just yet. Partly because my aunt wants to have some time to adjust, and she feels Vancouver may be a good place to start (especially with the large Taiwanese community around...) Maybe one day they will decide to move, but that's not certain yet.
I'm not sure why I felt deflated afterwards... after all, it's their decision, and they know best what is best for them. I can only be there to support and help them however I can.
I guess I'm kind of disappointed because I was looking forward to having family around... or maybe in a way, I was secretly hoping I could be a 'role model' for my cousins. I have this inner urge to be a sort of 'guide' to them, to help them as they grow up and take the big step moving to a completely new environment. Maybe secretly I want to have a family, to have people I could take care of, and I could care about nearby.
Maybe that time will come. But just not yet.
30 July 2010
Little trip
I sat on the river bank, next to the almost still St Laurent. Were it not for the occasional metallic echoes of cargo containers emanating from the port across the river, it could have easily been somewhere far, far away in the wilderness.
Looking up, I could see the silhouette of Montreal's skyscrapers, which from this distance look like little stacked up boxes. On a rough boulder I sat, listening to the sounds of the water, watching the clouds float by and the calm of my own rhythm breathing. Who would have though just half an hour ago, I was pedalling my bike next to exhaust spewing cars and buses, trying to navigate my way out of the drab and rundown concrete flyovers and underpasses of the city.
Boarding a ferry, I made my way across the river. A gigantic Canadian flag fluttered proudly on the aft side. Water parted and trailed a path of foam and bubbles on the surface of the broad, tranquil river as we cruised through it. The buildings, landmarks, green spaces of Ile St. Helene, the oval and hollow shaped structure of the Biodome, the lighthouse of Vieux Port, the arched back of Mont Royal... they all seem so familiar, but today I was seeing it all from a different place, from a different angle, with different eyes.
Today I felt like a tourist, like the other tourists on board the ferry, exploring and discovering, trailing unchartered paths and waters and driven by a sense of curiosity. Except I was a tourist in my own hometown, and feeling every bit more happy to be living in this beautiful town.
Looking up, I could see the silhouette of Montreal's skyscrapers, which from this distance look like little stacked up boxes. On a rough boulder I sat, listening to the sounds of the water, watching the clouds float by and the calm of my own rhythm breathing. Who would have though just half an hour ago, I was pedalling my bike next to exhaust spewing cars and buses, trying to navigate my way out of the drab and rundown concrete flyovers and underpasses of the city.
Boarding a ferry, I made my way across the river. A gigantic Canadian flag fluttered proudly on the aft side. Water parted and trailed a path of foam and bubbles on the surface of the broad, tranquil river as we cruised through it. The buildings, landmarks, green spaces of Ile St. Helene, the oval and hollow shaped structure of the Biodome, the lighthouse of Vieux Port, the arched back of Mont Royal... they all seem so familiar, but today I was seeing it all from a different place, from a different angle, with different eyes.
Today I felt like a tourist, like the other tourists on board the ferry, exploring and discovering, trailing unchartered paths and waters and driven by a sense of curiosity. Except I was a tourist in my own hometown, and feeling every bit more happy to be living in this beautiful town.
Dating
Maybe I'm just naive when it comes to it all. Meeting, going out, getting to someone who is at first a complete stranger in the hope of perhaps meeting the special someone I've been looking for. I don't know any of the "dating etiquettes", like what to wear, what to say, what to talk about and what to avoid. And much less do I know when to call/write back or what exactly to write back if I do write back. Maybe that's the reason I'm still alone, and have been alone for the past five years or so.
Just chatting with friends I do get a sense that I have a very different approach to dating. A lot of people meet someone online, exchange a few words and invite them over for a "movie". More often than not it turns out to be much more than just that, but also not more than just "that". And then on to the next one.
There's nothing wrong with that kind of dating, in fact just thinking about it all is very (s)exciting. But somehow that is just not what I want, just not how I operate. I don't know if it's my naivete driving me to look for something deeper and more "meaningful" than just sex. Maybe it's that day-dreamy and fantasy-driven part of me that longs for something "more". I do know I can't just meet someone, strip naked and have "fun", and leave at the end of the night without feeling some kind of remorse toward the other person or towards myself...
So I move on, ever in search for the 'perfect' (if there is such a thing) guy. But in fact, when I stop and think about, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for exactly... what is it that attracts me? That makes me think or imagine that there could be something between us? I'm not sure...
As unsure as I am about the rules, faux-pas and musts of dating.
Just chatting with friends I do get a sense that I have a very different approach to dating. A lot of people meet someone online, exchange a few words and invite them over for a "movie". More often than not it turns out to be much more than just that, but also not more than just "that". And then on to the next one.
There's nothing wrong with that kind of dating, in fact just thinking about it all is very (s)exciting. But somehow that is just not what I want, just not how I operate. I don't know if it's my naivete driving me to look for something deeper and more "meaningful" than just sex. Maybe it's that day-dreamy and fantasy-driven part of me that longs for something "more". I do know I can't just meet someone, strip naked and have "fun", and leave at the end of the night without feeling some kind of remorse toward the other person or towards myself...
So I move on, ever in search for the 'perfect' (if there is such a thing) guy. But in fact, when I stop and think about, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for exactly... what is it that attracts me? That makes me think or imagine that there could be something between us? I'm not sure...
As unsure as I am about the rules, faux-pas and musts of dating.
29 July 2010
Consultation
In expectation of a new bed I bought, I called mum this morning for some advice. Where should I put my bed? It's not just a matter of fitting it into tight spaces I have in my apartment, but goes to something more fundamental.
It's about wind and water, in other words Fengshui. Every single individual, because of the place, time, and date he was born has a unique sort of 'code' that makes this person perform or function better when he is facing a certain direction. For example, mum said to me (and I called more or less to confirm) that I should sleep with my head towards the West. It's worked well for me, and all the homes I've lived in (and there are many...), I have slept according to this rule. And I think I'm doing well and have had a fortunate life (so far).
I'm not sure where the rule comes from, but there are geomancy guidebooks and masters that you can consult to determine which direction is best for you. And it's not just the position you are pointing toward when you are sleeping that is important... also the position you face when you are studying, working may have fundamental impacts on your ability to concentrate or do something well.
It may all be dismissed as hogwash and superstition... but some of the ways of wind and water are actually very logical. You should never place a table that has a door directly behind where you're sitting. There may be deep rooted reasons behind it, but logically, whenever someone walks by the door, you'll be distracted. And also you should never sit or sleep under a beam. Again, from the point of view of psychology, to have something constantly "shadow" over you can create a lot of tension and unseen burden on the psyche.
So my bed and study table has been adjusted, and now waiting for the new furniture to arrive...
It's about wind and water, in other words Fengshui. Every single individual, because of the place, time, and date he was born has a unique sort of 'code' that makes this person perform or function better when he is facing a certain direction. For example, mum said to me (and I called more or less to confirm) that I should sleep with my head towards the West. It's worked well for me, and all the homes I've lived in (and there are many...), I have slept according to this rule. And I think I'm doing well and have had a fortunate life (so far).
I'm not sure where the rule comes from, but there are geomancy guidebooks and masters that you can consult to determine which direction is best for you. And it's not just the position you are pointing toward when you are sleeping that is important... also the position you face when you are studying, working may have fundamental impacts on your ability to concentrate or do something well.
It may all be dismissed as hogwash and superstition... but some of the ways of wind and water are actually very logical. You should never place a table that has a door directly behind where you're sitting. There may be deep rooted reasons behind it, but logically, whenever someone walks by the door, you'll be distracted. And also you should never sit or sleep under a beam. Again, from the point of view of psychology, to have something constantly "shadow" over you can create a lot of tension and unseen burden on the psyche.
So my bed and study table has been adjusted, and now waiting for the new furniture to arrive...
26 July 2010
To Ottawa?
Before I boarded the bus and headed back to Montreal, I looked back and told my uncle again that if there is anything they need help with, they should feel free to just ask. I meant it, I really did.
For I could understand their worries and concerns. Though probably not the same as mine, I can imagine at least what it must feel like to be in a completely new environment and to start life afresh. I did it, but I had the benefit of being able to converse in (one of) the local languages well, and also the benefit of years of experience living overseas and years of independence. While my uncle, aunt and my two cousins may not be quite “fresh off the boat”, I can only imagine how daunting it must be to suddenly be transported to another setting, where the signs and words that come out of people’s mouths are jumbles of letters.
So I said I would help them in any way I can. Not because I want anything in return. But like many times before, I really do get a sense of joy and happiness out of seeing someone helped on their feet and watching them flourish later on. It was sort of like this with my friend and my godson, and now, my relatives find themselves also find themselves stepping into unchartered territory. If I could offer some advice, offer some simple assistance, just be there when I’m needed, I think that would do a lot.
I mean, what is happening with my two cousins is more or less what happened to me many, many years ago. I see many similarities, and in a way feel there are things that I could do and say to help make their transition smoother and less troubled. For the sake of the children’s education, my uncle decided to apply for Canadian residency (and got accepted), and last summer has already sent his oldest son to start high school in the Vancouver area. And now my aunt and my younger cousin are immigrating to Canada too, and the family is thinking of staying somewhere more suitable for kids and that will be more conducive for their language learning. The dad, my uncle, will remain in Taiwan and work a few more years before he comes to join them when he retires. It’s a story of sacrifices, of separation, longing, but also of hope, dreams and hopefully hardship that will bear fruits.
As beautiful and pleasant as Vancouver is, it is just full of Asian and Chinese-speaking immigrants, which means there is little opportunity (if any) for my cousin to really pick up English. In Ottawa at least, the proportion of Asian/Chinese-speaking immigrants is much less, so as I told them before, it’ll feel and be more like you really have moved to a whole new country instead of being stuck in a small circle of people from the same region, sharing the same cultural and linguistic backgrounds.
Though it will definitely be tough, the story of my uncle’s family is not new. In fact, today when I was with them, we paid visits to Taiwanese-Canadian families who have made the same sacrifices and arduous trek across the oceans to come to Canada in order to live in a better environment and provide a better life and future for their children. They sat at the table, sharing and listening to stories of setbacks, discoveries, experiences, and their shared gratitude of being in their new adoptive homes.
It is not yet sure whether they will move to Ottawa, but it is very likely. What is not to like about the capital of this great nation? It’s green, peaceful city of a decent size, that’s well connected and has a good transportation network. There are good schools in the area, and also good prospects for university studies in the future on the East Coast. There are sporadic pockets of Taiwanese immigrants, but not so many that the signs of certain areas are just in Mandarin scripts and where the word on the street is the dialect we speak at home. And, if it’s a factor they are considering, I’m pretty close by too, in just around 2hours by bus or train.
I will not say much else to them, and let my uncle and his family decide. But by the looks of their initial reaction, I think it might be soon that I’ll start to shuttle between Ottawa and Montreal sometime.
For I could understand their worries and concerns. Though probably not the same as mine, I can imagine at least what it must feel like to be in a completely new environment and to start life afresh. I did it, but I had the benefit of being able to converse in (one of) the local languages well, and also the benefit of years of experience living overseas and years of independence. While my uncle, aunt and my two cousins may not be quite “fresh off the boat”, I can only imagine how daunting it must be to suddenly be transported to another setting, where the signs and words that come out of people’s mouths are jumbles of letters.
So I said I would help them in any way I can. Not because I want anything in return. But like many times before, I really do get a sense of joy and happiness out of seeing someone helped on their feet and watching them flourish later on. It was sort of like this with my friend and my godson, and now, my relatives find themselves also find themselves stepping into unchartered territory. If I could offer some advice, offer some simple assistance, just be there when I’m needed, I think that would do a lot.
I mean, what is happening with my two cousins is more or less what happened to me many, many years ago. I see many similarities, and in a way feel there are things that I could do and say to help make their transition smoother and less troubled. For the sake of the children’s education, my uncle decided to apply for Canadian residency (and got accepted), and last summer has already sent his oldest son to start high school in the Vancouver area. And now my aunt and my younger cousin are immigrating to Canada too, and the family is thinking of staying somewhere more suitable for kids and that will be more conducive for their language learning. The dad, my uncle, will remain in Taiwan and work a few more years before he comes to join them when he retires. It’s a story of sacrifices, of separation, longing, but also of hope, dreams and hopefully hardship that will bear fruits.
As beautiful and pleasant as Vancouver is, it is just full of Asian and Chinese-speaking immigrants, which means there is little opportunity (if any) for my cousin to really pick up English. In Ottawa at least, the proportion of Asian/Chinese-speaking immigrants is much less, so as I told them before, it’ll feel and be more like you really have moved to a whole new country instead of being stuck in a small circle of people from the same region, sharing the same cultural and linguistic backgrounds.
Though it will definitely be tough, the story of my uncle’s family is not new. In fact, today when I was with them, we paid visits to Taiwanese-Canadian families who have made the same sacrifices and arduous trek across the oceans to come to Canada in order to live in a better environment and provide a better life and future for their children. They sat at the table, sharing and listening to stories of setbacks, discoveries, experiences, and their shared gratitude of being in their new adoptive homes.
It is not yet sure whether they will move to Ottawa, but it is very likely. What is not to like about the capital of this great nation? It’s green, peaceful city of a decent size, that’s well connected and has a good transportation network. There are good schools in the area, and also good prospects for university studies in the future on the East Coast. There are sporadic pockets of Taiwanese immigrants, but not so many that the signs of certain areas are just in Mandarin scripts and where the word on the street is the dialect we speak at home. And, if it’s a factor they are considering, I’m pretty close by too, in just around 2hours by bus or train.
I will not say much else to them, and let my uncle and his family decide. But by the looks of their initial reaction, I think it might be soon that I’ll start to shuttle between Ottawa and Montreal sometime.
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