22 September 2007

Sunset beach


It's a simple pleasure, and it costs nothing. Yet it's priceless.

Just standing there, watching the waves, admiring the final rays of light of the day. The sun set so quickly, and disappeared below the watery horizon. Seagulls sang and huddled together on the rocky surface of the wave-breaker. The waves were so calm and smooth.

Next to me stood my mum, and we watched the sunset together. I've been to the beach so many evenings around the same time, and I've watched many sunsets so many times, all by myself. The beauty, the serenity of it all makes me want to share the experience with another person every time.

And I'm glad that today I shared it with someone.

20 September 2007

Coming home



It felt a little strange to be driving into the Netherlands again (more correctly, riding since I can't drive!). For one thing, the speed limit is only 120km/hr, which seems really, really slow compared to limitless in Germany! Another reason is because after four days, and around 2000km in and around France and Germany, we were all really tired and looking forward to falling into our own beds.

It was a really pleasant trip, even though all the places we went I've already been a couple of times. But it's true that the same places are different each time you visit because of the company you have. With my 'craving' to share beauty and pleasantness with others, I've always wanted to show my mum (and to some extent brother, I guess) all that Strasbourg, Alsace and Heidelberg has to offer. They heard me talk about it, seen all the pictures, and it was about time for them to see how magical these places really are.

We set off early on Monday, and drove through Belgium, towards Luxembourg, where we made a short break. I remember my first-ever trip in Europe was to Luxembourg, and the only thing that stuck to my mind was the stunning view of the valley and the arch-bridge that runs across it in the middle of Luxembourg City. It is today as stunning as before, if not more.... perhaps because now that I'm older I can appreciate the beauty much more.


Then from there we drove toward Strasbourg, and made it there by evening. We weren't all that tired, so we set our luggage down, and off we went exploring in the old city. I've spent so many moments walking around Petite France and the city centre by myself, so I know the alleyways and buildings well. We sat down to dinner by the river-side, at an ancient-looking (but so-so-tasting) restaurant, and clinked our glasses to our family reunion. It's been over six months since we last sat down together to eat.



The next day, I was the navigator (more reliable and accurate than any GPS/Tom Tom ever will be!) and guided my brother to the Alsatian countryside. First stop was Haut-Koenigsbourg Castle, an ancient castle built already in the 13th Century, and saw many exchanges of hands between the many pricedoms and kingdoms of medieval Europe until today. We tread the castle grounds, wet from the occassional rain that fell and stopped, fell and stopped, and admired the gorgeous panorama view from the top, despite the chilling temperatures. Thin clouds shrouded over the valleys and hills, at times pierced through by a weak but beautiful sun, making the experience even more memorable. After that, we took the wine route (Route du vin) through one of the best and renowned wine regions in Europe, passing quaint little villages and vast tracks of vineyards and rolling fields. By then the weather had cleared, making it pleasant. A few glasses of fresh wine later, everything seemed even more so.



That evening, I met up with my friend and my godson, both of whom I've not seen since June. As usual, baby Sunny is a delight to see, and how much he's changed since! We sat down to dinner, but all throughout he kept on running around excitedly, testing out his new-found ability to roam freely wherever his legs carried him... everything that could be touched and grabbed on was his plaything... the toilet, the bin, the chairs, other dining guests he went around to to play with. As we were dining in the basement of the restaurant, he had this urge to climb up the stays every five minutes, and just sit on the staircase and smile. The waiters were getting a little annoyed of having to avoid stepping on him and avoid spilling food all over him, but his light tapping of his shoes and clapping seemed to take all the annoyance away. He could climb up the stairs, but getting down was difficult. And he'd then stretch out his hand, as if to ask for my hand. Once he grabbed ahold of it, he'd slowly climb down. Sweet.




Heidelberg we went to on the third day, and enjoyed a wonderful hike through the castle grounds, and through the old university town.


That evening, we arrived home early at the hotel, and since I was staying with my mum in the same room, we had a long and hearty talk. She told me about her plans to retire soon... if not, then at least take a long sick leave of a year or so, because she feels her job is too overwhelming and affecting her health. I've told her many times that she should retire soon, especially since she's still recovering from having a long cancer treatment. Together with living with my dad, which involves constant cold war and non-communication, she feels really unhappy. Just leave all that unhappiness and stress behind, and come settle down again in Europe, was always my suggestion. I was of course glad that she herself was thinking about retiring, and change her life (if only temporarily).

One thing that my mum does really well is worry. Worry a lot... about me, about my brother, my dad, about everything and everyone else, except for herself. While we sat there and talked about many things, she said again that one big thing she worries is my sexuality. The last few times that we met in the past few years, I made it pretty clear to her that I'm gay, and that she shouldn't hold any hopes of me getting married with some girl and having a family like she'd want me to. She said that she's disappointed by that... not in an angry or upset way. Just disappointed, even though she said she suspected all along. She'd rather I have a 'normal life', at which point I responded that I do live a normal life:

"Man-woman, man-man, woman-woman! What does it matter who sleeps or loves who? I live my own life, and it's not the concern of anyone else! Not yours, not relatives or friends! So I'm gay. Why should that be your worry? To put it very bluntly, you can live your remaining years worrying about me, but I'll still be gay and I'll still be me. Do you want to live your life happily, or with regret and disappointment about things that don't really concern you?"
Perhaps a little harsh... but I felt relieved, and felt like I needed to say it out loud and out clearly. She didn't say much after that, just a simple "It's your life." And we left it at that. That night, I slept, feeling a little lighter and as if a big burden had lifted... somehow.

Today in the morning, we left early, and headed home, but first made a big detour to visit this outlet shopping mall that my mum wanted to visit. I'm not such a big fan of shopping, but to be honest things were really cheap there compared to shop prices, so I did buy some things...

On the way we drove through some amazing scenery... green valleys, trees slowly changing their colours to put on an autumn coat, meandering rivers surrounded by lush mountains and rock faces, dotted with church spires, cottages and grazing cattle. It was so beautiful, so quietly romantic...

... and I manage shared it all with my family, for a change.




16 September 2007

Vacation!

I've not had a vacation for months, and the same day that I finished my summer course, my mum arrived to stay with me for around three weeks. It's really nice to see her again after more than half a year, and seeing that she and I (and my brother) all need a little break, we're all going to France and Germany for a few days.

I've always wanted to share the beautiful cities of Strasbourg and Heidelberg with my mum, so we'll be staying there a few days. Also gives me a chance to see my godson, who I haven't seen for a almost three months.

Back Friday! :)

Summer Space Camp

Me watching the live launch of Russian-built Soyuz rocket lifting off on Friday 14 September!


“It’s not really goodbye, just a ‘See you later’.”

With that I ended my two week stay at space camp in the tiny seaside village of Noordwijk with some forty students from all over Europe. Well, perhaps it wasn’t the same sentiment and feelings I felt towards everyone, but at least there are a select few in the group I have grown fond of, and will miss their company. Just earlier this afternoon, I got a gift and sweet note from three girls. On the note it said:

”If there were many more people in the world, it would be a better place to live in. Please don’t change!”


I was extremely touched by the gesture, and was really, really surprised what effect I could have on people, even in such a short time. I mean, I didn’t do much, and was just myself, but that somehow managed to leave an impression on people. It’s a real boost to my self-confidence!

It’s funny to observe a large group of people, and how people interact. There are those who try very hard and try to impress everyone with their joking and imitations and clowning around, and then there are those who are mostly on their own and so quiet you don’t really notice them. And there are those in between these extremes. The first few days you mingle and try to make friends with everyone, but after a while people group together. Minds flow alike, as they say.

We were all brought together by this course in an obscure but utterly fascinating field of space law, and now two weeks later we go our separate ways. Perhaps some people I’ll never see again, perhaps some people I’ve not really gotten to know well, but I’m glad I’ve managed to make connections with a number I’m sure I’ll “see-you-later”.

It was a pretty hectic and intensive summer course, and I really can’t remember the last time I had so many lectures after one another every single day. Almost 50 in total, from all sorts of speakers, and all crammed into two weeks. Towards the end I was so exhausted and drained that I often dozed off in class. It wasn’t such a great idea to be always sitting at the front, but then again from all my years of studying I’ve managed to develop this technique whereby I nap, but every few minutes or so I nod my head in agreement, make a few ‘Hmm’ noises to express my understanding, or turning the papers in my hands profusely to pretend I’m following very attentively. Take a look at the notes I’ve made, and you’ll see scribbles of lines that just fall off the page which I can’t even understand any more!

Everyday the day starts at sevenish, and by eight we have to be at the bus, ready to ride into the research centre of ESA. It’s literally a different world in there, full of thousands of scientists, policy makes, lawyers, working toward progress and realising the dreams of soaring into space and discovering all that is out there in the universe. Through the two days of lectures we’ve had, I just realised what an unexplored area of the law space law is. All these conventions and regulations dating to the sixties, but so much progress has been made in these decades. The problem of the launching state, liability for accidents, problem of space debris, and just the matter of amending age-old legal instruments seem such political and cumbersome tasks.

But I did enjoy it all very much, especially the team assignment. Even though team work took up every single evening, I really had a lot of laughs working together with all these people from different backgrounds. Our assignment was to think of a creative idea linking ‘entertainment and space’, and focus on the legal, political and other aspects of the project that we write about in a report and present before a jury. We were up until at least midnight every evening, just working, researching and discussing. At times there were conflicts within us, and a number of members didn’t really get along well. One disagreed with everyone, and had to be outvoted before our project idea could move forward. He funny eventually changed from opposing everything to the one who seemed to be doing all the hard work and leading everyone else, even though the rest of us were cursing lowly and confused what he wants to do. I bought drinks and snacks everyday, and tried to make sure there was better harmony between people. And I guess it worked well. Eventually we actually made it to second place. Had we observed the rules of writing a report and presenting the arguments, and not gotten penalised for it, we would have easily been the first! I’m happy with the result, especially when the jury mentioned that the legal part of our report was the best out of all eight competing groups!

There’s this German guy that caught my eye almost from the very first moment. I caught myself looking often in his direction, but he was always hanging around these girls, and I never dared to venture close, and only managed to admire him from afar. Then suddenly on the second day, as we were allowed to have some free time to take some pictures in the ‘high bay’, where all these model space crafts and compartments are, fate kissed me. I was just minding my own business, and this guy told me to go stand in the picture. I didn’t know what was happening, but before it I was pulled into the picture, and standing next to that cute guy. After the picture was taken, we both stood there nervously, and laughed at the surrealness of having been forcibly had our pictures taken. Then he introduced himself, and we struck it off instantly, laughing and joking around, and getting to know one another. He has such boyish features, dark brown semi-curly hair, and a pair of beautiful blue eyes that stared into mine as I talked. He listens so attentive, and responds so intelligently and gently. It’s like finding a match I’ve been longing for. Even on the bus, he sat next to me, and we talked all the way back to the hotel. He was so close, I could feel his knee slightly leaning on mine…

Turns out, he’s not gay after all. I found out playing this ‘psychiatrist game’, and the person who is the psychiatrist has to guess who all the other people are by asking different questions. I was the psychiatrist, and I asked him whether he likes boys or girls. The answer was a little disappointment. I guess he was ust very friendly, and giving out all the wrong signals. But that’s alright, I guess.

Yesterday morning, I carried my suitcase and bagback, and went home really early, alone. But not at all empty-handed.