Walk in the rain

When it started to sizzle around me, I realised it was raining.

Little sizzling sounds, of small rain droplets hitting the sand beneath. Almost inaudible at first, overshadowed by the sound of the waves. I felt my face tickle with slight dampness and cold sensations.

I had been walking on the beach for I don't know how long. It was a welcome break, to clear my mind of the principles and rules on 'use of force' that's been nagging at me for the last few weeks. Finally now that the paper is finished and handed in, I can take a little break.

I needed the walk too, to get away. From the dirty mess and non-talking at home.

And I needed to get away, clear my mind, and somehow make peace with the thought that a friend of mine is gone, and gone forever. How ironic that I should be walking by the sea, that I should watch the waves pull closer and pull away when my thoughts were with him tonight. The same sea, or at least great big mass of water connected together, he lost his life to.

I walked and walked, hands clutched around my chest to shield from the cold. The beach was empty. The tourists have long left, and the restaurants and beach tents that huddled on the sand before too have disappeared.

Deserted, just me and the empty sea.

Wing Lam (1981-2006)

Just learned that a friend of mine passed away last month...
Still trying to come to grips with the news. A mix of numbness, shock, and sadness.

I met him first in London in the final year of my studies at SOAS. He was an exchange student from Leiden, where he was studying Chinese. We had classes together once or twice a week, shared the occassional lunches and movies, drinks and outings. Like me, he grew up between two worlds and two cultures, and we found comfort in each other knowing that we were not alone. One of the many things that we had in common.

I last saw him sometime ago here in Leiden, just before he went on an year exchange in Taiwan. He went on a trip to the seaside. And never returned.

My heart goes out to his family and loved ones... may they have the strength and comfort to cope in these dark moments.

Dear friend, you will be much missed.

Too much!

One of those moments I just feel like ranting.

Had four hours of lectures today from nine to one, went to work till almost six. Got home, cooked and ate, and have been reading and reading for tomorrow's seminar for over four hours till now. Half past midnight.

I'm really feeling the stress pile up, since I've got an essay deadline this Friday, and still need to prepare for a presentation coming Monday, and have to start researching and writing two other papers by the 15th of December... And at the back of my mind I keep on wondering what (or perhaps the question is when!) I could write my entry for the Winter Anthology, also due on the same day! : (

I'll be sooo relieved when this term is finally over...

Stomach pains

His girlfriend knocked on my door and asked for the telephone number of the family doctor.
Concerned, I asked what was wrong with her. And it turned out that it wasn't her, but my brother.

Apparently he's been having stomach pains for the last couple of weeks, pains that come and go, come and go, and come again. And now he's decided to go see the doctor. I left what I was doing and went to his room. He was lying in bed, covered over with blankets.

I asked him what's wrong, and sounding worried I told him he shouldn't 'bear' the pain and let it drag on for so long. The doctor has open-door hours every morning, and you should go see him, I said. He replied that he'll go see the doctor first thing in the morning.

That was the first time we talked.
In over a month.

"Porno!"

I just can't stop smiling to myself when I think back at what happened in class today. It's not everyday that you get to stand in front of the whole International Relations class and shout "Porno" [Dutch for 'porn'] : P

For the last few weeks we've been having student presentations, and each time just before class starts someone has to set up the equipment for PowerPoint. I've more or less become that someone!

Just as I hooked the laptop up and beamer started to project the image onto the white screen, a friend whispered something mischievously to me: "Put the ... on"

I really didn't hear what he said, and shouted across the room. "What? What did you say?"

Again, he cupped his mouth and whispered with a devious smile "Put on the porn..."

As innocent as I am, I thoughtlessly answered back, again in a loud, clear voice so as not to have any confusion: "Eh? PORNO?"

How embarassing, as I realised afterwards what I just did. The bunch of guys at the back of the room started chuckling, and some other people turned to look at me, wondering what was going on. Our lecturer was (thankfully) busily engaged in conversation with this one person.

I swear...I really am all that innocent.

Clingendael today

A wonderful, mind-clearing stroll through the forset today.

Really needed it. All those beautiful colours, mixed and mashed in the tree tops and on the ground took my mind off of a number of things...if only temporarily.

• Clingendael late November IX
• Clingendael late November VIII
• Clingendael late November VII
• Clingendael late November VI
• Clingendael late November VI
• Clingendael late November V
• Clingendael late November IV
• Clingendael late November III
• Clingendael late November II
• Clingedael late November 2006

me

For some reason I can't upload this to my 'profile picture'! : /