Starting new

Been back home for a week now, and slowly, slowly I think I'm back to my 'normal' life here in Montreal. It's good, to wake up every day in the comfort of your own home, to wake up to my cat, to my own food and everything else.

The weather has been unbearably hot and humid in the last week, so hot I just don't feel like doing much. I've been going to the school library, but not really do work, as I should be doing, but just sitting there, enjoying the cool of the aircon and reading out-of-school things. I really must get a move on and push myself.

Push myself also in other ways... after all the trips I've made to spent time with mum, and having experienced some things with my brother and friends, made me realise something. I really need to pick up my life and start doing things for myself. And to do so I think need to distance myself from certain things and people which don't really help but rather hinder my life and personal growth.

To start, I'm going to cut down on (non-essential) travels. In a way, to make sure that I'm not always coming back to all sorts of unfinished (or unstarted) business after the many trips I've been making. Especially after all this flying around, I sometimes think to myself why it is that I should go out of my way to see other people, whereas hardly anyone comes to see me? For one thing, I've been here almost two years, but my brother's never visited, whereas I've gone to see him at least four times...

Not that I should suddenly become selfish and care less about other people in my life. Just, I need to do more things that will make my life and work move forward. Do (more) things that I enjoy, do things that will benefit me (more). Again, it may sound very selfish and egoistic... but really, when I come to think of it, I've been giving myself too much and not really giving myself to myself.

It's a little pact with myself. Not sure if it'll change anything, or I'll be any better off in the end. But sometimes you have to start somewhere.

The river turning

What makes the river turn? What makes it make a dramatic swing to the left and continue to flow like a sheet of green and gray satin being pulled rapidly downstream?

I sat on jagged rocks, and listened to the constant rush and murmur of the river. An endless sound, a sound without no end, as endless as the river stretched across the broad horizon. A seagull stood tall and still on the river's edge. It was braving the powerful waters made twists and turns and splashed at its webbed feet until a curious photographer got close. The bird suddenly leapt and took to skies. To greater freedom, while the river continued rushing beneath its spread out wings.

I sat watching as the river turned, as the river chose its paths. At times, together with the wind, the river would splash a few droplets of its abundant water on my cheeks. The sun beat down heavily on my skin, while the breeze was gentle and brisk.

The river turned before my eyes. A part of it chose the smooth course, while the rest, driven by strong currents, tore through hidden boulders and perilous whirlpools, down the wild, wild rapids.