Tired

I think I've been exhausting myself too much, and feeling the stress slowly creep in and get a hold of me. Last night I lay in bed but couldn't sleep for hours and hours, until it was almost morning. When I finally managed to sleep, it wasn't long before the alarm went and I had to go off to uni.

One more week before my final exam. After that I'll be completely done with my classes for the entire masters programme. I really want to do well, but have been so preoccupied and stressed about my thesis that I've barely even started to study. I've been spending the last week or so just reading and researching for my thesis, but it seems like the more I read, the more lost I get. Was supposed to write up something for my supervisor to read by yesterday, but all I have is around 10,000 words of my typed notes, but nothing concrete that I can show. And I feel pretty guilty, since I had promised I'd give my supervisor something to read, and I really want to make a good impression.

I've decided not to think about the thesis any more, at least for a whole, and just focus on my exam. Problem is this last course is so... boring. Usually I enjoy classes, and pay attention and do the reading and work throughout the year, but this particular one just puts me off. It must be because of that big brick of a 1500+page book that is on the table collecting dust. Just wish it could all be over soon...

As if I don't already have enough on my mind, my brother's been nagging at me to go with him to see the car he wants to buy. I told him that it's really his choice, and that I don't need to be there, but every single day he keeps on asking. So finally today I took a few hours to go do the test drive. It's a pretty amazing car, really flashy from the outside, and a unique shiny brownish-gray colour. The inside is so streamlined and slick-black, with computerised displays and speedometer, and all the essential gadgets and accessories. It's almost brand new, only got a thousand or so kilometers, and has been only used by the car dealer for test drives. Which means the price can be lowered than a completely brand new one.... but still, it's very expensive, and definitely going to be a burden on his finances. I didn't say much, because I've already said what I needed to say. I had already told him that he should buy a car he can afford by himself, and that he shouldn't have to borrow from my mum. But that didn't seem to be important. Not any more, or at least not as important as owning a big, brand new car. I knew whatever I say wouldn't make a difference, because he's already had his eyes and mind set. Me being there was just a formality.

He was so excited, like a little boy getting the toy he's been looking at for a long time and finally has it in his hands. Within an hour documents were signed, and the car will be his coming weekend. I guess I'm happy for him in a way... since it's been his dream ever since he started working, and I'm glad that I'll no longer have to hear about cars, cars, cars again.

But I wondered to myself how long the flashy, new car will have its shine, and how long it will be until he starts to see it as 'just a car', and not as something that's so new and exciting... I guess it's only human that we crave for something so much, and when we finally get it we feel satisfied... but only temporarily. That's what I mean by when he'll start to see it as 'just a car'...