Carer's story

"It's good your mum will pass like this..." the carer suddenly said as she was massaging mum's back and I was sitting by mum's bed side. "She's very fortunate to have you [all] around..."

The carer told me once that her own dad passed away from cancer, and that it was very painful for him. Tonight she told me more of the story...

"I was working in Taiwan then, and I asked my employer to let me go. I still had one month left till my contract was over," she recounted. Many overseas workers from Vietnam come to Taiwan to work for a period of three years, after which they can settle debts to the brokerage company that brought them to Taiwan. So the condition is to complete the term of contract, otherwise the employee is faced with a penalty. "I can always earn money, but I only have one father..."

She said she was eventually allowed to go back to Vietnam, and how she spent eight months taking care of her father. Her brother and sister were around, but they stayed only briefly. "In the end, it was very difficult to see. Everytime he eats, he would make a mess as the food would drool out of his mouth... He was in  a lot of pain. My brother and sister did not know how to take care of him. Sometimes the didn't even dare touch him..." the carer recalled and lowered her eyes. Mum had her eyes closed, but she opened them briefly, as if she was listening too.

"I remember the first time I returned to Vietnam, my dad and the whole family hired a car to come pick me up at the airport. As we live far in the countryside, it was rare for them to visit Hanoi, so we took a sightseeing trip together. The next time I returned to Vietnam, my dad was not there to pick me up. Not there any more..." Her voice became sad.

Some days ago, I walked with the carer home and passed through an underground walkway. It was an airconditioned walkway, and the corridor was clean and bright. There was even a bank and post office in the walkway. "Vietnam will never be so advanced!" she commented. She said she really likes it in Taiwan, despite being separated from her family and children. She has been in this country for several years, and has worked at a number of hospitals, and cared for a number of cancer patients, and she is amazed by the health care system and how attentive the nurses are.

"In Vietnam, you have to bribe everyone, even the nurse! They'll come and do the minimum. For example, they'll come and change your bandage, but they'll do it very roughly and do a bad job. Of course you can't bare to see your loved one suffer, so you pay them. And they'll treat you better..." I listened and tried to imagine what that is like. I know these places exist, and that so many in the world live in such countries where there is no proper health care system, where good health and sanitation and nutrition is reserved only for those who can pay. And I was reminded again how lucky I am, how lucky my family and my mum is, to be born in a country where the state really takes care of its own people.

Back to the hospice ward, to the sound of mum snoring... "It's good she is not in pain. She's very fortunate," the carer said as she continued to massage mum's back to prevent bed sores. Just then the nurse came in quietly and had such a gentle smile. She just came in to check if everything is alright, and how mum is reacting to the morphine that was administered about half an hour ago.

"Things are fine, thank you..." I said. And I truly am thankful, every single time, and every single day...