Mum's condition

"How is she?" i asked as two aunties left and headed to the elevator down. They came to spend a few hours with mum after choosing clothes for mum with me. Clothes for when mum...
I stayed home to rest for a little while, and also to cook some soup for mum.

"The condition is not good. Just let things be..." one auntie said. She used to be a nurse, and she has been so caring over the past few years, calling every day almost to check up on mum, and visiting her every week. Sometime ago, this auntie said that according to taiwanese beliefs, many critical ill people do not live for long after or before a big festival. The upcoming one, Dragon Boat Festival, is in less than a week.

"Last week she had more energy and was more talkative. Today she looks very unwell..." The aunties tried to give her some traditional noodles to eat, thinking the noodles would bring back nostalgic memories and tastes of the past. Mum are two bites, and threw up four mouthfuls... When I came in, she looked in worse state than she was just four hours earlier when I left her to go home and meet with the two aunties.

"She does not seem able to control her bowel movements. She doesn't seem to know whether she urinated or pooed..." I heard that, and felt such a deep, deep sense of sadness. My own mother, now unable to control her own bowel movements. Her dignity and worth is being further eroded. How she must feel...

"Thank you... Thank you for coming and spending a valuable weekend day off with her..." I said and gently bowed.

"Please don't say that. You and your brother have done a lot, and you should not feel so sad. Just let nature take its course," one auntie said. They praised mum, said how lucky and fortunate she is to have us as children, and to be surrounded by people who are there to help and support her in different ways. "It is because of her kindness, and all the merit she has accumulated..."

Humbly I bowed again and bid the aunties farewell. "Thank you..."

I returned to the room, and mum was almost asleep. The carer is patting her back to make mum comfortable. Mum opened her eyes, her tired eyes which had dark circles around them. She blinked quickly, something I've noticed she does more often these days. "Ask them to go already. It's too late..."
She meant ask the aunties to leave, because they have spent an afternoon with her. But the aunties left around five minutes ago. That did not register with mum.

Perhaps mum is too tired that she is not fully aware of what is happening around her. Brother told me that she has become like that since last week, and today was the first time I noticed this "lag" in her response. The doctor said deficiency in ions and nutrients may cause sensory neurones to slow down the passage of messages to the brain and slow down memory. Whatever it is, it is painful to see.

I smiled at mum, and held her hand to reassure her. "They've already left. Don't worry, you rest now... Take a good rest. I'm right here next to you..."

I am. And I will be till the end.