Room 1

Mum was transferred to Room 1 of Ward 114 around five days (days go by one after another, I lose track of what day it was/is...). It's a lovely and bright room, with light green curtains, a nice view of mountains and the river in the distance. The view is particularly stunning at sunset.

The night before and yesterday, mum was severely tortured by vomiting. Yesterday was perhaps the worst of all, for she threw up no less than eight times throughout the night, every half an hour or so, she really did not get to sleep much. Last night was also the night mum told me to go home to sleep, and my aunt took over the night shift, for I've not slept at home for over a week.

Today I heard her say perhaps there's something "wrong" with the room. "Why only at night do I vomit so much?" it's true, during the day, she doesn't really vomit, perhaps one or two times at most. But as night falls, the frequency and quantity of vomit increases.

I turned the lights completely off the first night we moved into the new room. Mum said she hardly slept for she was scared of "things". The second night I left a light on in the far corner, and have been doing that for several nights. Vomiting go worse the night before last, and last night was the worse night she ever had, vomiting at eight times or so... I wonder what tonight will be?

Mum requested a room change. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. She feels the room is "bad" for her, and that something is bothering her and making her condition worse at night. Whether that's true or not, whether I believe it or not, I told her not to think of such stuff, not to worry about unnecessary things that cause unnecessary her worry and fear. Over this issue, we came so close to another argument again. I just let things go, for if she wants to change rooms, if it'll make her feel better, than why not?

It's just I feel bad, because i was the one who more or less pushed mum into taking this particular room, for we had been waiting several days before moving here, and were placed in a shared room before. For about three nights in that two bed-room, mum dared not go to the washroom at night, because she was afraid of waking up the neighbour (who suffers from anxiety and wakes up from the slightest sound, not to mention the noise of the washroom door opening and the flushing of the toilet...) So at the first instance of a single room freeing up in a neighbouring ward, I jumped at the opportunity, even though mum wanted to wait a bit for some reason to be in the same ward as her brother. But I kept on saying she can rest better and have more privacy and need no longer fear waking someone up whenever she so much as coughs or turns around in bed...

And look at us now... Moved into a room where she believes is "unclean" (Taiwanese euphemism for haunted or possessed by a bad spirit...), and we have to go through the trouble of moving elsewhere again...

If it's true, this particular room is "bad" (for mum...) then I feel terribly guilty. Have I again being too pushy and trying to get my own way without respecting her wish and her comfort levels? Am I again being too insensitive to her desires and needs as a very ill and sensitive person?

I hope we can move again, and that it will be a cleaner room, so mum can rest peacefully and be free from any "disturbances"...