I'mnot God

For my birthday, my ex gave me a wonderful book titled "Passages in Caregiving". It details stories abd experiences of people whose lives have been transformed by the illness of a loved one.

Coping with calm and wisdom is key, and when suddenly turned into a "caregiver" go through a myriad of fear, anxiety, guilt and the false belief that we can be God and fix everything. But the truth is, caring for a loved one with a debilitating and terminal illness is exhausting, draining of the mind and body. And we need to reach out for help, reach for professional guidance, reach out for emotional support from friends and family, and we need to face the reality that our loved may not get better, may not recover her/his health, and will definitely leave one day on terms we least desire or expect.

A lot of what is discussed i have encountered and am going through right now. And the book is a constant reminder that I am doing the best I can, I really am pushing myself and need to once in a while give myself (and even my mother!) a break from this all. I need to still have my dreams, I need to still pursue my hopes and realise my goals. I still need to eat, rest and take care of myself, because though I may not be able to change mum's health or reverse her inevitable decline toward death, I can saw myself from falling ill, I can build on my dreams and my interests, I can connect with those who are dear in my life, and I can prepare myself for life and living after death...