Bear(er) of hope

Woke up early again, and lay in bed for a while. Calm, at least calmer, yet still my mind is troubled and disturbed, imbalanced and at times hurting.

I tuned into some podcast to listen to some recorded talks. About learning to live with loss, learning to live with death and pain, about the benefits of spreading love and kindness to those far away, to those suffering pain. Such wisdom is a safehaven when I am lost and alone in the troubled waters of the world I find myself in.

Turned on Skype, and found my brother and mum online. For the first time we had a three way chat. It was pleasant and I listened mostly as they talked about the baby and how they're doing. Mum also talked about her pains and illness, and it was good that my brother was there to listen to so frank a discussion. Mum's friend commented on the picture of the bear I took yesterday and had posted on her Facebook page.

Later I learned that when she and her husband saw the picture, they were touched. Touched by my little gesture, touch by such a public display of affection, even from so far away. Mum's friend uttered the word "Hopeless..." to describe what she thought I must have felt. Indeed... The feeling can only be described as hopelessness. The hopelessness of a child so far away, who is worried about his mother and yet unable to do anything. I turned away to wipe away a tear.

The only support the child can offer, the only help the child can provide, if it is any help at any, is to listen, to smile and to show his mother how much he can with what little he can do...