Mum's condition

My heart broke almost instantly when I read the message on Facebook.

 A friend of my mum who paid her a visit earlier in the day wrote that mum's condition did not appear very good. "Contact her more, speak to her..." the message said. There was a picture too, and mum looked very tired. My heart was crying again, so overwhelmed by sadness, worry, hurt...

When I spoke to mum this morning she seemed alright. But mum did complain about her pains, and how it seems to be getting worse. Especially with the change in the weather. And she said the chemo treatment that the doctor gave her may not be working. She may have to switch to a new type of medicine. What, she did not know.

I'm losing it right now... 
Losing my composure, losing my tears... 
losing the collectedness and calm I found in m meditation.

 I don't know who to turn to. My ex, my rock, my confidante, my source of comfort and support for so long left me...
And my other friends... I don't feel I can just call them up and start ranting, crying about my problems. How terribly selfish that is to impose my burdens on their busy lives.

Give me a sign... give me a moment of peace.

God, dad, whoever can hear me...

Give me hope, please. Give me hope...