Day two

 The IV drips and medicine to soothe mum's stomach upsets have helped, and mum did not vomit as much ( though she still did vomit). Lunch time, she even ate a little bowl of rice and some vegetables and fish. It's progress, given that within an hour or so she would be bending over the toilet bowl and pouring her guts out. That didn't happen.

But mum slept poorly, if at all last night. It may be due to the IV drips, which cause many visits to the washrooms (after all, it's all bags of liquid with nutrients and minerals). Other than that, she says her bones are very sore. I got up numerous times during the night to massage her bones. Her thin, thin bones, some of which you can feel is sharp around  the edges, because the layer of skin around the bones have thinned so much, because she has on the whole thinned so much. It is hard to sleep when I hear her next to me turning and twisting.

Mum was very tired the whole morning, and that caused her to be moody. I meant well and wanted to take her for a walk. Again, I arranged for another surprise visit by her grandchild and my sister-in-law. But it was hard to get her out, and at one point she angrily told me to ask them to go home, because she just didn't bother going downstairs to meet them...

"But have you seen how you smile and laugh when you hold your grandson? Isn't that the best medicine..." I was hurt, for the little surprise was close to being ruined. There have been plenty of moments in the past month or so when my attempts to do little special things are met with rejection or even irritation and anger, even though I only mean well. I hurt, but I remind myself it is not mum who is angry. It is her illness, her fatigue, both mental and physical, that is causing her to be moody and irate. I tell myself to just bear with it...

Eventually, mum did go down to meet my sister-in-law and nephew who were waiting there. Within seconds of seeing them, mum smiled, and smiled, and smiled. I went to pick up some bread and fresh juice, and mum had it together with her grandson. "See," I said later, "Is there anything more special than breakfast with your grandchild?" She smiled in reply.

I again stayed 22hours before my cousin came by and gave me an hour or two to go home, rest and shower. When I got home, it was empty. To think, only yesterday when I went home, I opened the door to the shriek and giggle of my nephew. And now, the house was empty and so very quiet. There was still the smell of his baby oil in the air, and in the washroom was his special little bathtub. I suddenly felt so sad, and then I realised again how much I have grown attached to my nephew's presence, and how much I miss his presence.

His being, his very small hands, his big eyes, his cute little red cheeks are together the source of hope and encouragement. The way he now jumps up and down, the way he likes to wiggle and dance, the way he likes to stare and drool when he sees other people eating can wipe away all the accumulated tiredness and anxiety away. I really do miss him, more than I realise. Because he really has been a source of relief and joy in mum's life, and in mine.

When I said goodbye to him, and to my sister-in-law, I suspected it would perhaps been a long while till I see him again.

And I look forward to that day. I am sure mum does too.