Weaker

I have never seen mum so weak before. So weak and tired she could barely open her eyes, could barely open her mouth to speak...

An hour or so after checking into the hospital, mum vomited again. A bag-load of vomit. The nurse happened to be there and commented on the colour. It's a yellowish green kind of colour, and it's the same colour as I've been seeing in her vomit at home over the past four days. I always wondered what it was, and mistakenly thought it was just the vegetables she ate that dyed the vomit so. But what I found strange was that she has not been eating much vegetables; she has not been eating much at all...

"It's stomach fluid. Bile juice." the nurse said. That sounded worrying. It must be very severe for mum to vomit up bile... It was then that I noticed she could barely walk, barely talk. She swayed when she walked, and I had to hold her and take her to the washroom.

I rushed home to get a blanket for myself, for mum had earlier told me not to stay. But as her situation seems to be critical now, I must stay. I argued with her. "I've been with you for two months, what difference does a few days make?"

I know she feels bad because my planned bike trip was supposed to start tomorrow (1 March), but I told her the island and all those places I want to visit won't disappear if I wait for another time! I know she doesn't want me to stay because she fears I might sleep badly. She doesn't want me to stay because she says she can't bear to see me tired down and overburdened. (And since yesterday, I've got the flu and am feeling very weak... I suspect i got it at the hospital where I did my physical examination...) But I am afraid that she will go into shock, because she's been losing too much fluids and not replenishing enough to sustain her body... In the end, it was the nurse's word that persuaded mum that I needed to stay.

It feels like deja vu... Two months ago, almost to the day, I rushed back to this hospital. And the room we were assigned happens to be the one right next door to where mum stayed the week or so after her surgery. So the staff I know already, and I also know my way around the ward.

Sitting in my foldable chair/bed, lights have gone out for the night. I never thought I would end up sleeping at the hospital again, but here I am again.

For how long this time, I wonder...