Again, almost as soon as mum fell asleep, she began to lightly snore and sleep talk. Often it's a mumble so soft I can hardly understand her. But it's somehow sad and funny to see her hallucinate and talk to emptiness...
Who or what is she seeing in her mind? Is it dad...? Is dad appearing before her eyes? Or is dad really here, right in this room, and only mum can see her in her hallucinogenic state? Without me realising, I again shed a tear.
I don't know why it makes me sad to see her like this. She seems to see me and hear me when I speak to her. But she also looks so lost and confused. "Go to sleep," I said as I stroked her forehead softly," "Please sleep well and fall asleep quickly. Nothin else is important..." It was a scene that somehow felt so familiar, but I am not there yet...
She moved her hand and seems to be drawing something. Her movements look like she's swiping an invisible touch screen. At one point she was tugging at her NJ tube, and I moved in to stop her and tell her to stop.
Randomly, more words and disjointed sentences came out of her mumbling lips.
"Photographs... Photographs..."
"Your own younger brother..."
"Only twenty years old and already killing..."
"If you discussed it, buy it..."
It really seemed like she was talking to dad at one point, and was describing her condition to dad. "Cancer blocked the stomach... Here for check up...." She smiled as she (sleep) talked, smiled so beautifully, smiles like there was not a worry in the world. Though it worried me to see her talk nonsense, seeing her sleep and smile touched me so, for she looked so peaceful, so at ease...
And it made cry, for again it felt so strangely familiar, but I know I am not there yet. I cried the reason only I know, and with time will perhaps be revealed.
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