Opportunity

I saw an opportunity online, an almost too ideal position for me, especially given my linguistic background and interests. I almost immediately set about writing a cover letter and updating my CV. This was at five in the morning, when I was woken up by mum's groans of discomfort.

Later when she woke up, I excitedly told her about the opportunity. Perhaps she was too tired, for she slept poorly again last night. She showed very little interest, which really dampened my spirits. "Do what you think is good for you..."

I was very disappointed. At a time when I am muddling through, lost and down, I need support and encouragement, motivation and someone to tell me "You can do it! Go for it!" And I thought an opportunity like this would excite my mum, but she was lukewarm to the idea, which made me so very sad...

All these years, I have spent so much of my time being with her, hoping spending that extra time with her when she needs someone the most will make her feel better, stronger. I've let a number of opportunities go by, not only career-wise but also in potential relationships. I am not lamenting my life or how it has been because of mum's condition. But really, I just wish there could be more support, more enthusiasm when I have so often been afraid to commit to something because I have been so afraid that I may have to break my commitment to rush home in case, in case...

I'll just apply, and see how things go. I probably won't qualify for one important factor: I can't drive.

But I can try and apply anyways...