Return

Finally, the day of my brother and his family's return has arrived, and I spent a few hours preparing the house for their arrival in the afternoon. It was a clear evening, very hot and humid for a change. I made my way to the airport, and was excited to see my nephew again. It's only been two weeks, but it seems like everyday he's changing, everyday he's learning new "moves" and new ways to be cute.

Perhaps they are all tired from having flown almost half way around the world (and lugging no less than seven suitcases, not even counting the baby buggy and car seat...). It was a quite ride back into the city and home. With barely half an hour to rest, my brother and I made our way to the hospital to see mum, hoping she did not go to sleep yet.

Mum was of course excited to see my brother, and she smiled and smiled seeing him, though she kept on telling him to go home and rest. Brother hasn't seen mum close up for two months, and I think seeing her in the state she is in now surprised and silenced him (or perhaps he is just not very expressive and doesn't know what to say or do to show his care...?) He sat down next to mum's bed, and just sat and asked the "usual questions": how have you been? Have you been eating? etc...

 Perhaps I am too "demanding", and I cannot judge how someone behaves... but I wish brother could be more expressive in action. A stroke of mum's arm, a touch of her legs or feet, anything that comprises of a human touch can mean so much! But my brother just sat there and listened to mum describe how she has been. I lightened the mood a bit and in a funny way tried to capture how mum was sleep talking and how she managed to pull out her NJ tube the other day (even though at the time it caused me quite a scare....) And I joked mum is eating like my nephew, mostly liquids, and that she began to eat shredded bits of apple. Another way mum is like my nephew (though this is a bit dark kind of humour...) is that she has to wear diapers in the evening, just in case...

It was a short visit, for it was already half past ten at night. We walked home, and on the way brother asked me more questions... about how mum "really" is, about whether the doctor said anything about her other organs and the spreading... I didn't know what to answer him, except to tell him it is good that mum can drink a little already, and that she is not vomiting so much (though, in the early evening, she vomited another bagful, which was very painful to see again, for it has been almost ten days that mum has not vomited....)

I was very tired to reply... So tired for some reason. Not only did I sleep terribly last night, but I think I am also so tired of having to talk about mum's condition and all that has happened over the past two months. I know my brother is anxious to know, anxious to know details, but I am just so tired, at least at this very moment, to describe it all and go into details. Frankly, because it is depressing, it is so heavy to talk about... And to be honest, I have fears seeing mum have severe diarrhea and also  vomit so much (or was it just a one-off this evening??) that the surgery was perhaps a failure. If it is, what then? What then...? When can she go home? Mum was talking so hopefully that she can go home soon, but can she really if she continues to vomit and have bad bouts of diarrhea?

I don't know. But at least brother and his family are home. And it is comforting to see that. Comforting and beautiful to see that he and his wife are around, to see how supportive and important it is to have someone dear in your life to be with you at a difficult period of your life. And even better, even more beautiful is seeing my baby nephew again...