Before he turned to leave, he gestured to me and mouthed to me to follow him. Just me. "We never talked about what happened during the operation last week, did we?"
No, we didn't. I am anxious to know, but for several days, even till today, I was/am so worn born the tension building up to the surgery that all I needed to know was whether mum could eat again.
The doctor led me to a room and sat down at a computer. The bypass surgery was a success, and they managed to do what they set out to do, which is reroute the intestines so that mum can ingest food and drink again. The vomiting and diarrhea is normal in the beginning, and should with time subside and disappear once mum's bowels get used to the redirected flow through her body. After all, the body has been used to the "natural" flow for so many decades, and asking it to get used to a change of course takes time.
The good news is that the situation is not as severe as they suspected inside (but, still it is severe. The spread of cancer always is ...). The cause of mum's vomiting is not a recurrence in the colon, as diagnosed earlier, for the colon is very 'clean' still, even six years after her initial diagnosis and operation to remove part of the colon. The problem lies in the duodenum, the beginning section of the small intestines. The doctor showed me a power point presentation of mum's case, for it has been discussed by a number of doctors including one from internal medicine. One slide contained a picture of mum's belly with an incision. In the opening, a bundled mass of pink and red came out (WARNING: graphic pictures of what the image looked like). There was a bit around 15cm or so which the doctor pointed to and said was the 'infected' part of the duodenum.
The doctor said that section is removable. They did not do it during the last procedure for the risks associated with it is high, and they could not perform the removal when she was in a terrible condition (she still is very frail...). The doctors recommend that after mum's health is stable that perhaps she can undergo treatment to remove the cancerous part of the duodenum.
"Another surgery..." I thought to myself. Just when we thought it has finished, the doctor came back with news of another possible surgery. There is a reason why he only told me, and has not told mum yet. For it is probably too much of a shock just after one surgery to let the patient in on the possibility of another surgery coming up. It was already a shock to me, and made me rethink my plans in the coming period, and over the coming year. I thought I could make plans to go back to my own life and start pursue my dreams again, but one talk, and a lot of my imaginations and plans are now on shaky grounds..
It will be a risky operation, but if removed, then at least that bit of the body will be rid of a major source of cancer. "Fifty-fifty..."
"What do you mean by that?"
"The chance of survival if removed. " Thus the same chance, same risk if not removed.
I asked how long we need to consider this, and whether he could give us an idea of how quickly or badly the cancer will grow and spread. As expected, there was no time.
I went back to mum's room and she was of course curious why I was called out.
"Oh, the doctor said your surgery went well, and the situation is better than expected..." I held my self. I dared not look mum in the eyes for long. I felt like I was betraying her, lying to her by not immediately telling her the truth.
Forgive me mum, I need time to figure out how... I need time to process it myself and time to build up the strength to tell you in so many words so as not to scare you or disappoint you...
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