Something good

We may argue and experience tensions here and there, but somehow something always brings us back together. I cannot say for sure what it is that brings us together... is it his touch, is it the innocent expression on his face, is it the thought of not wanting to prolong the hurt because of my own stubbornness and mistakes?

One thing that I treasure, among many things, in my relationship is our ability to talk things over. We may have gone to sleep in separate beds, in the morning, in the wake of drying traces of tears, we bonded and reconnected, and by sunset, we were happily cycling next to one another to that special place by the edge of the river we both enjoy so much. 

My first real relationship ('real' in the sense that we are both living in the same city, instead of being separated, as my first relationship was, some ten years ago), now going into its fifth month (or two and something years, if you count from the time we first met and connected...). There have been many things I have had to learn about myself, about the other person, about being together, about boundaries and personal spaces. Learning to admit your own flaws, learning to say sorry and realise when you are wrong are important; just as important as it is to know that there is no shame and that the other person will not think less of you when you admit your own human flaws and imperfections. I can be a difficult person to decipher, be someone who is too sensitive and needs reassurance. And through him, I see and learn more and more about myself, much more than all the time I have been alone and so deluded by  my own self-perception.

Of course, not all days and moments together can be happy and filled with laughter, but those moments of tension pale in the warmth and comfort I feel when we are together. I guess both of us have had to learn a lot about one another's habits and personalities, have had adapt and accommodate, as any one would in any kind of relationship. In any relationship, when two people come together and try to walk the same path in the same direction and at the same speed, both people come with old baggage that must be shared or slowly let go of...

He came out of a long term relationship, and I am just beginning to realise (again) what it means to be with someone, to love. We are in different stages of our lives, with different experiences, and naturally will have different expectations, of one another, from one another. But somewhere, somehow we managed to meet, and finally managed to come together after a long time of hesitation and uncertainty. There is beauty in this coming together, and when I think back at what process we went through to come together, we value our relationship even more.

I do not know where we are headed, for no body ever knows. I do know, and little by little I let him know, how much appreciate his presence, treasure our being together, and how sometimes I lie next to him and think that it all feels too much like a dream to be with someone I care about, think about, and love.