complications

How did I ever get myself into a relationship mess? How did I ever become entangled in a web of incestuous relationships with people that somehow are so proximate to one another?

He wanted me to sleep next to him, and he fell asleep first. I lay in bed next to him for a while, but I felt so estranged, hurt, wronged, like I've been slapped in the face. Of course I have a role to play in all the Complications we find ourselves in. That I cannot doubt, for the cause of all suspicion, cover up and 'cheating' (if it can be called that...) is varied, and no one is to blame. I cannot blame him, cannot really tell him how much I feel hurt that for many months, at least since we officially became a couple, I could not really give him all he wanted, however much I opened up, however much I tried. I somehow left him feeling empty, even if that emptiness is just a little void... but that void is enough to cast doubt about us, and to make him think or wonder probably he missed a chance with the boy who made he feel so perfect, so wonderful in such a short period of time.

I just cannot bear to lie next to him tonight after all that has been revealed tonight, not when I feel the tears are ready to burst from my trembling cheeks...