Flying away from the sunset into the darkness of the night, as the last rays of the day cast a beautiful orange glow on the wings of the Boeing Triple Seven. Heading home after a few days away from home. Ironically, sometimes I must leave home in order to return home.
All too quickly, the eleven days or so of the time together with my friend has come to an end. We’ve traveled to many places together, crossed physical borders and emotional boundaries, and engaged many fun, romantic and intimate things together (and of course, as with all relationships, there were also little personality clashes too…). It brings a beautiful small smile to my face to reminisce the many laughs and jokes, the little sweet talks and moments together in which I felt as if there were no one else in the world but him. I can only imagine he felt the same…
It’s hard to describe it all, and even harder perhaps to describe how I felt as I said goodbye to him at the airport of Saigon. It felt bizarre, somewhat surreal, that after all the nights and days spent together almost constantly at one another’s side, we’d be saying goodbye in a foreign country, at a foreign airport, unsure when we’d meet again. Tonight, I will surely miss the warmth and heart-warming scent of his body when I go to bed…
We hugged one another, and gave one another kisses on the cheeks and neck. Even though throughout our time together, I often felt the urge to just stroke his hand, touch his arm, smell his hair, somehow at the airport just before entering the passport control area I felt conscious of people watching us, and, as much as I wanted to, dared not venture onto his lips.
We’ve had conversations about the possibility of him coming to visit me again in March. It would be good to see him again, after a separation by vast distances and of a long time. But truth is, I’m not sure what will happen in the coming period, so I have been non-committal. Maybe he feels my hesitation about setting a reunion date, and perhaps he feels like I’m putting our relationship on the sideline…
But…deep down, I’m very scared of the results of mum’s latest MRI scan. I’m frightened that if things turn bad, I may be in Taiwan for a long time to come. Of course, the rational part of me questions the necessity of worrying and fearing about something you do not yet know, and can even less control. But the emotional part of me—that part that worries and thinks too much perhaps— feels like it’s not fair to my friend to ask him to wait for me, even though we both know that recent bout of intimate time together and developments in the past week have made us more of a couple than ever before. I would like to be with him, to finally start a new chapter in our until now has been complicated and tumultuous at times… but am I really worth the time apart and time spent waiting for the next moment when we are together again, whenever that will be?
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