Past few days

The past few days have been like a nice dream. Biking, bathing, travelling, sampling wonderful cuisine, seeing beautiful sights, and making valuable memories together... My friend and I have been all over the place, and we've thoroughly  enjoyed one another's company. I feel content, happy to be with him, to be lying next to him at night, and to enjoy the warmth of his body, and the feel of his caress... For a few days, I felt like I lived in each moment, and all worries, all sorts of nagging, disturbing thoughts were kept at bay...

Back to the hospital today, and reality strikes. Accompanied mum the MRI ward, and she went in for almost an hour. Results are due in a week, but in the past few days the tingling numbness of her left arm has spread, and it's become an occassional pain. Like  bees stinging, she describes it.

We went to her main physician, and his diagnosis is that the cancer has indeed spread. For now, she will continue the chemo therapy (which seems to have lowered the CEA, cancer index)... he recommends radiotherapy to deal with the spreading of cancerous cells in the spine, but if it is severe, if mum feels severe pain or loses ability to move her left arm, then the disease will have advanced, and surgery will be necessary.

For now, she has a few days to rest, and next week she'll resume chemo and get her MRI results. And next week is also the wedding, which means there will be a lot of things to deal with, and I'm a bit worried that mum may be exhausted too much...

After many days travelling, after days and nights of fun and romance with my friend, I am thrust back into that agitated, anxious state of mind again.