Call to the monk

I just called the monk in the mountains who knew mum and came to see her just last week. He was saddened by the news of mum's passing.

He asked me how I'm feeling, and I told him honestly, I seem alright. I know the emotions, tears and pain will come, but for now I can only look back to four days ago and remember how beautiful, quick and "smooth" (if death is ever so...) it went. "I was strangely calm, just like when it happened with dad..."

I was, I really was. With dad it was so sudden, but I managed to stay composed and wish him well and happiness. With mum, I thought I would be much harder because there's much more attachment and considerably deeper emotions given how much time I've spent with her and how mug we've gone through together. But again, it was (and I am) rather calm and so far I've been subdued (admittedly, there are moments of sudden longing and sadness, but no real outbursts of emotions. Just yet...).

"It's the ultimate test," the monk said. Test of how much I've engrained the teachings of the Buddha into real life, a test to see how deep I realise the meaning of impermanence and temporariness of everything, of everyone... And so far, I've been strong I believe much thanks to those teachings and to the many day of mediation practice and retreats at monasteries.

"I'm more emotional when I think of how so many people have been so supportive and encouraging over these years..." I said, and I felt tears well up and my voice waver. Truly, I am so grateful and indebted to so many people, friends and family, who helped mum, helped me, make this journey easier and just that little bit less overwhelming.

I am so grateful, and at ease to know after all this, mum is at peace...