Recall

Mum kept on asking me what brother wanted to talk to me about in private. I told her we want to discuss how to divide her assets (that was a joke...). The truth was I asked my brother to talk this weekend, to have a serious talk about what steps to take to deal with mum's deteriorating condition, and the possibility of the end of her long journey. Be prepared is what our conversation was about, and it was perhaps the calmest and most serious conversation we have had (ever?).


My sister-in-law came to visit today for a couple of hours at my urging, and she could see how weak and fragile mum's health has become. Brother, through skype, cannot really see much, but a more personal account from his wife I imagine gives my brother a better understanding of the seriousness of mum's condition.

I told him frankly about mum's diagnosis. Most likely, unless some miracle occurs, it will be downhill from now. The cancer will spread, mum's organs will weaken and begin to fail. Treatment, further treatment is an option, but what purpose will that serve? There is only one resolution at the end of this all, and we all know what that is. The impending surgery is just to make sure she does not starve, to make sure mum can still ingest food properly. A part of me, and I expressed this fear to brother, fears that with mum's condition now she may not survive the trauma of another surgery. These coming two weeks will be critical, and I have to be ever so vigilant and ready to make the difficult phone call to ask my brother to return at a moment's notice. I have also made arrangements so that he has enough means to get a ticket, if need be, immediately.

Yes, it all seems very impersonal to describe mum's condition this way, but those are the facts, those are the realities. It is up to us, the children, to soothe those hard facts and hopefully make this final stage of mum's life a memorable and easy process. I told him that he should consider spending more time with mum, and my brother and sister-in-law understood what they role is and are making good suggestions about what they can do.

My brother said he can get a few months' sabbatical to come home and spend some time with mum. His main concern is that being on unpaid leave he will have the burden to pay bills and the mortgage, but I reassured him that I can step in to help in whatever way I can. "At this point, there is nothing more important," I said, referring to the fact that there really is nothing more important than spending time with mum, precious moments with mum, and sending her off in a beautiful, moving manner.

I promised I'd be in touch, and my brother said he always has his mobile close by. I imagine he is agitated and anxious being so far away and unable to do much. I reassured him I am here, and doing what I can, and he actually thanked me for all I've been doing. I just smiled and said I'm just doing what I can, and it is only so much.

We both have different roles to play, and I feel as we get closer to losing another parent, there is a bond between my brother and I that is becoming closer and warmer.