Longings

Sometimes the longing is so strong it is difficult to overcome... I know if I just close my eyes and meditate, the feelings, the urges will go away. Since I have met my friend and till recently, the desire for physical and emotional contact has been more than fully satisfied. And now, after promising to myself and to him to keep some distance, I find myself wanting, and feeling empty without... I know if I want to talk, if I want a hug, he is just a phone call or a text away.

But I cannot do that, I cannot keep on running to him, especially as he is trying to forget about me, trying to move on and pursue the boy he feels so deeply for. And  I cannot keep on running toward him in search of comfort and assurance when I am trying to build a life without him being there all the time when I need someone to hold and to listen to me.




I have to admit, there is an emptiness inside that is eating me, even as I sit here in the empty library on a rainy Sunday evening... I long for that intimacy again, that human contact, that human feel and warmth, that connection which makes me feel whole, even if only temporarily. And I'm so scared of going out there, just hooking up and descending into a world where I seek out people just for pleasure. Because I know I am not like that. Because I know I deserve and want so much more than just the physical...

If I close my eyes, meditate for a while, the urges, the feelings, the longings will go away.

I must tell myself that, and resist...