So I started recalling the names of all the places I have visited... Berlin, Barcelona, Taipei (numerous, numerous times...), Tel Aviv, Singapore, Bangkok, Prague... the list goes on and on. I've had to look back at the stamped pages of my passport, and also revisit some of my earlier blogs to remember where I have been, and what I have done.
I became nostalgic... I was young then, or at least younger. I was untouched, inexperienced and still discovering myself and the world. Those seemed like such carefree days. Traveling, visiting places, excited and spurred on by the sense of adventure and discovery which I seem to have lost.
I was lonely, sure, and I had family problems and my parents' health issues to deal with, of course... But life seemed to be so simple back then, back then when I was longing for love, and yet unsure what it all meant... back then when I had such a beautiful image and dreams of being in love, and did not realise what it feels to be heartbroken and to miss that sense connection and closeness you share with someone you have grown accustomed to over time.
And then I read up how my friend and I first met and connected, how I first started to have feelings for him, and how that developed further through our trips and adventures together. Sweet memories, sweet sweet smiles and laughter.
When you look back, life seems always to be so rosy. But of course it wasn't all that rosy, and my writings from five, six years ago can attest to that. The insecurities, the fears, the longings are still around, perhaps more ingrained today then before with the passage of time, or perhaps less burdensome now because I have grown used to it all. But every stage in life, every period is a process of learning, of living. And it amazes me when I look / read back and realise, and remind, myself how far I have come, and what I have really accomplished in in my life.
That means I can go on and do even more.
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