05 January 2013

How...?

How do I keep from crying?  How do I pry myself out of bed and force myself to work and study?
I feel so drained, so empty, so depressed, so very tired even though I sleep and sleep and sleep some more. And for several days now, there is a sharp pain in my chest that is making me feel even worse.
I've returned home, but still unable to muster the energy to see friends or do anything constructive. The suitcases are still unpacked, the washing undone, clothes and things strewn all over the floor...

I need some kind of hope, something, someone, to grab me by the hand and pull me out of this terrible low I've suddenly descended into. It is at times like this that my mother's kind, kind face, and the face of the dearest friend and soulmate I thought I had, appear before me, making me cry even more...

Gone, gone, sadness, Be gone!
 Leave me alone, do not torture me any longer. Gone, gone, pain! Let  me smile, for once smile and remind me what it feels like not to feel pain, not to feel loss... what it feels like not to feel at all...

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