Dream

It was such a vivid and disturbing dream, and when I woke up, I realised it was already past ten in the morning. It was the single most uninterrupted sleep of eight hours that I have had in weeks...

In the dream was my ex. We were together in a room, I'm not sure where but the locale seemed so familiar. Somehow, it was in my home in the Netherlands, or so it looked like. We were just talking, mostly me doing the talking.

"Let's just put it all behind us... Put away all the things I have given you, put away all the things you have given me." Moments later, he was going into a cupboard and taking things out and putting them into boxes. Photographs, gifts, letters, notes... All going into a box. I don't remember whether he looked sad, but it happened so naturally.

I think something along the lines of "this has gone on too long". I told him I care about him, love him, and all I want is for him to be happy. "If you are not willing to let go, then I'll let go." In the dream, I felt a peace, strange peace, even though under that peace was a hurt that was hidden. After all we have gone through, is this how we are to end? It felt like giving up a bit of me, cutting off a bit of my flesh. But it also felt liberating, for his presence in my life felt like a heavy burden. The same conversations, the same sadness, the same questions lingering on and on... He wants to be with me, but he wants to be with someone else. His heart longs for me, but his mind is wandering elsewhere.

"I just want you to be happy. So I am willing to let you go. I hope you understand why..." I said to him.

Within a split second, everything, the room, the objects we were taking out of the closet, and even him, my ex, disappeared. Within a split second, there was nothing else in the room but me.

Nothing else but emptiness and me standing there on my own...