又回到台北第二個家...
Returned again to what feels like a second home to me in Taipei. Third time moving in for a stay at the hospital for the last three months...
In a way, I was somewhat upset to receive the phone call that there is a bed ready for mum, for it disturbs the routine mum and I have established being at home, especially as in the past week or so she has not vomited as much as before. And mum does prefer to be at home, where she can lie in her own bed and lounge in her comfy chair and watch tv. But I know that being readmitted to hospital is best for her, for they can give her IV drips and prepare her mentally and physically for the big surgery sometime next week. And mum has been saying in the past two days that she is feeling so much weaker than ever before...
I packed the essentials, and now I know what to bring and put into the suitcase. Clothes, blankets, pillow, toiletries, clothes, supplements, and even the notepad I recently bought her. I also snuck in the little Hinoki tub I recently bought, because I know mum will get upset if I brought that along. But I just want to do anything, bring anything, to make mum's stay at the hospital-- already a dreary and colourless place-- as comfortable and feel as much "at home" as possible.
44kg mum now weighs, some four kilograms less compared to about three weeks ago. She is so very thin that her sister and everyone who sees her are all shocked. I know I should not think this, but it makes me feel terribly to see mum's latest weight, for I have really been trying my best to take care of her and give her whatever I can think of to drink or eat. But still she lost so much weight under my watch! Nobody is blaming me, least of all mum, but still it hurts me to see her so very thin and frail.
How long mum will stay in hospital this time is not known, for it depends on whether she is fit enough to undergo surgery, and how she recovers after surgery. And it depends also on whether the specific surgeon mum has requested has time next week to operate on her.
Instinctively before mum left home, I took a picture of her sitting in her comfy chair. I don't know I suddenly got this feeling, this terrible feeling that once she leaves home tonight, she may not return... Terrible feeling, terrible thought!
Mum's spirit is somewhat a bit better, but still her energy levels and speech is so very weak. But she says she has confidence in the doctor, and that says a lot... That is what she really needs.
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