Operation Mumories

When I was at the temple today, I saw a portrait of a middle aged lady at the front of an altar. In front of the portrait was an urn, and before the urn was a great offering of food and fruits and paper money.

Momentarily, my eyes played tricks on me and I thought I saw mum in the portrait. When is it my turn to stand there again and hold an incense stick and bow before mum's portrait? How will I be feeling? Who will be with me to comfort me? How grim the thoughts....! but death has been on my mind a lot these days, perhaps too much!

The idea crossed my mind before, and I have at times imagined it, thought about it, and let my imagination run wild as I daydream about it... "It" being mum's final farewell.

I don't want it to be a sad and solemn affair. I want it to be a celebration of mum's life, with pictures and sounds and songs. My brother's mother-in-law and her sisters and I got talking. They know of this lady who passed away (also cancer...) and her funeral was not at all sad. It was very touching, very beautiful and dignified. The children hosted the event, instead of having a ceremony master who did all the talking using a very impersonal and scripted speech (as was the case with my dad...). The lady's funeral was the kind of farewell I have been dreaming of!

I know I can do a good job and put together a very touching "show". I did it with my brother's wedding, and recently I put together a bunch of pictures in a scrapbook to celebrate my ex's life and our relationship together. I know they both touched people, and I hope I can also do the same with mum's memories.

But will people be receptive to it my idea? The lady who passed away actually worked on the project herself with her children, for towards the end she came to embrace death and also knew when it was time she wanted to "go" beautifully and memorably. Would mum be as welcoming of the idea? I am afraid if I mention something like this she may get the wrong idea that I'm plotting her death and planning for her funeral already.

And I'm not sure whether brother and others who have been important in mum's life will warm up to an "unconventional" send off, for I need their support and input if I am going to pull this "show" off.

Just because I like the idea, just because I see my own funeral as a last(ing) opportunity to touch people's hearts and to inspire people with, does not mean everyone else shares that open-mindedness to death and dying...

For now, this idea is still a work in progress I label "Operation Mumories" (yes, there are many operations ongoing, and I seem to be coming up with them to give myself something to do and something to distract from everything else...) . It will be an attempt to capture mum's life and experiences, mum's sacrifices and devotion, mum's love and care and remind people of who she is and why we care and love her.

Whether this crazy idea will one day become realised remains yet to be seen...