And there are times when you know your time on this world may be limited, so you are prompted to accomplish your dreams soon, or as soon as possible. Facing death can be terrifying, or it can be a refresher course on living, living to not just dream, but living to realise your dreams.
Mum has been sharing some of her dreams with me. A dream of my is to help mum realise her dreams. If I can in any way help her get closer to seeing her dream realised, I'll do it. Many have already been reaslised, especially in the past year or so... travel to Canada, see brother get married, have a grandchild... All of these have given her hope, given her a reason to continue living and go through all the excruciating pain and treatments.
One dream is simple and obvious, and it is to meet and hold her own grandchild. I have been encouraging her to visit Europe again at the end of December, so she can spend the very magical Christmas period with my brother and his family. Most important of all, so she can share that miraculous feeling of Christmas with loved ones and a newborn baby. My fingers are crossed on that one, and I'm working to make that happen...
And tonight, as we went for a stroll after dinner, she told me another dream of hers. "I'd like to see you settled down, get married and have children..." I was a bit lost for words.
"There is nothing more beautiful than building a family together with the one person who can support you and be your best friend and partner for the rest of your life..." At one point mum joked I shouldn't rush into marriage so I can please her before she "goes"!
"It's hard to find a soul mate, but when you do keep that..." I smiled, and didn't say anything. I've told her on several occasions how I'd love to settle down, to be with someone who is compatible and whom I can give to and receive love in return from.
Truth be told, I'm very envious of my brother and his family, envious of the joys of holding his own child, and having someone to come home to every day (but of course, I know even family and marriage bring different kinds of worries...). But how beautiful it is to see him, his wife and son together... how happy, how very, very beautiful and touching...
"What about with [my friend]?" mum asked. She has met him on a few occasions, and mum has a good impression of him. She was disappointed when I told her back in May that we broke up. I wasn't sure where to begin, how to explain where we were now. I just said he's a very good friend, but no more. We are... I don't know what we are, where we are headed. "He seems to be very caring, and you're both outstanding boys," mum said "You seem to be good together".
There are a number of dreams I can help mum fulfill... make sure she is fit enough to travel to see her grandson, make sure she is well enough and accompany her to a number of places she would like to. I look forward to that sense of 'achievement' when I help her realise that dream. I look forward to seeing her smile, to seeing the calm on her face when she has fulfilled one of her dreams.
But getting finding someone, getting married, settling down... As much as it is also a dream of mine, I'm not sure if I can fulfill it. And I'm not sure if I can fulfill it in time for mum to see me, with tears in her eyes, exchange vows with my one true love...
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