“Welcome to the family,” I whispered in her ear as I leaned over and kissed her three times on the cheeks, “Wish you two happiness and luck.” My sister in law (no longer to-be!) was genuinely touched, and clutched tightly onto the bouquet of white and pink flowers. In the haste of all the things that needed planning and doing, we had forgotten to get the bride flowers. Luckily, at the very last minute I managed to get my hands on a beautiful bouquet—one of many amusing and memorable surprises to come.The wedding day came and is now over. Most couples plan this day for months, if not s year well in advance, but my sister in law and brother planned it all within one month or so, and neither of them were physically in the country until two weeks before the big day. It may have been rushed, there may not have been much protocol or paying respect to the proper rites and rituals (there were some bloopers and awkward moments during which nobody knew how to proceed…), but in the end, with the help of so many of my sister-in-law’s friends and relatives, the past two days will certainly fill many people’s lives with lots of pleasant and happy memories.
The setting was at an up-scale Japanese restaurant, with dimly lit and minimally decorated rooms that evokes an ambience of elegance and simplicity. With black and white as the base colours of the décor, the beautiful arranged flower pieces resting on the big round and rectangular tables form centres around which dozens of family and friends from either side of the couple gathered. I bought boxes of heart-shaped Ferrero Rocher chocolates, and placed floating candles on each table to add more warmth and light to the atmosphere. All around the rooms (there were seven of them, which sliding doors which we pushed aside to form one big reception area), red and white heart shaped balloons drifted around on the floor and rested beautifully on counter tops. Later, some of the balloons would become playthings of young children who attended the wedding, adding another level of fun and festivity to the whole event.
Nine separate dishes there were, nine being a homonym of the word ‘longevity’. Taiwanese thrives on symbolism, metaphors, and making obscure connections with plays on words, and each number from one to ten has a proverb associated with it which can capture the essence of good fortunes and favarouble luck. Being a Japanese restaurant, there was plenty of seafood, with cut sashimi pieces so fresh I could almost taste the sea. And I swear at one point I saw the legs of the peeled shrimp twitch as I slid the pink body into my mouth.
Being a part of the groom’s core family, I was seated at the main table, together with my mum, and closest kin of my family and the family of the bride. Every few minutes, someone would lift their cups and toast the newlyweds, or toast the mothers or uncles of the couple, at the same time offering congratulations, thanks and well-wishes. A lot of the people I don’t even know the names of would come up to me and thank me for being involved so much. “It’s the least I can do to make this a happy event for them”, I would say shyly, and follow up by thanking people for coming to attend. Indeed, though there were only around eighty people or so, relatively modest compared to other Taiwanese weddings, guests had come from as far away as the southern part of the country to share the joy.
Soft, romantic music and love songs played in the background, radiating from speakers connected to a latptop I had managed to set up at the very last minute. With a dear friend of my sister-in-law (who happened to design and make my tailor-made suit), we planned a number of games to liven up the wedding. Only two days before, I had rushed around downtown to pick up lots of little gifts to give away. Under random seats we had placed red envelops for lucky ‘winners’ who get a chance to draw numbers from a deck of Hearts (symbolising love). Three red envelops were deliberately ‘planted’ under the seats of three special people: my aunt (dad’s older sister, and in a way, his representative), my mum, and my sister-in-law’s grandma (with whom she has a very close relationship). They had to go to the centre stage and make a speech, and as a reward, they get a kiss on the cheek from the bride and groom at the same time.
When it was mum’s turn, mum was a little nervous to be in the spotlight. She wished them happiness and luck together, and hoped they would take care of one another. That moment when they leaned in to kiss her, I captured on camera, and in my mind. The moment mum hugged the bride tightly as my sister-in-law called out “mum”, I too captured. The next moving moment was when mum and my brother hugged.
That scene, those few seconds, seemed to last forever. As the applauses echoed, I had to turn away to contain the unexpected tears. I could not see mum’s face, as her back was turned to me. But I could see brother, and he had his eyes closed, for perhaps he too was trying to contain his tears and his emotions. It was a deep, tight embrace, and I imagined what my brother and my mum were thinking as they held onto one another’s bodies. Thoughts of gratitude, of appreciation, of a little unwillingness to let go, of happy and sad memories… Perhaps brother whispered something in her ears, something personal intended only for her. Perhaps mum whispered something in his ears, something heart-felt, coming from the warmth and love of a mother who is about to ‘lose’ a child.
I walked into the corridor to escape the intensity of the moment, and to let the tears naturally moisten every corner of my eyes and water my eyelashes. People saw me in the corridor and came up to speak to me, to thank and congratulate me. Weakly I mustered smiles, and expressed my gratitude for their presence. I wondered if they saw the redness and dampness of my eyes, saw that I was looking at them with blurred and watery vision.
It was then I really missed the presence of my friend, who was invited but could not attend. It was then that moment, seeing brother being ‘given away’ and somewhat officially leaving the household, which made me really wonder about my own life, about my own future, and whether my mum will still be around to give me ‘away’, and to give me the same blessings and well-wishers. Will I too have a wedding with all these fine touches, with all these little details, little notes and little notes that make it all especially personal, especially memorable, and especially heart warming…?
Today was brother and my sister-in-law’s big day. I rushed home after the wedding, and quickly decorated the bridal suite (actually the same room my friend and I stayed in only two weeks earlier…) with heart-shaped balloons, and a deck of Hearts strewn all over the floor. On their table, I placed two little sachets of gold chocolate coins, each with a little personal note, one written by mum, one by me.
In the midst of all the things happening in the past few days, I managed to find a quiet moment to write the new couple a card, and I placed it next to a booklet I had prepared and asked guests to sign and write personal messages in. I wished them happiness, good health and prosperity, like most, if not all people would.I also wished them strength in good times and less fortunate times… wished they will always remember and treasure what brought them together in such a short period of time, and that they will always remain true to one another, no matter what… wished they will find peace and belonging in one another, even at times when there are conflicts or frustrations…Happy marriage… may they love one another, be there for one another, be together forever, and ever.
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